11/3 - i gave up on the whole oragnized
thing so new ones are at the end
12/3 - i'm adding some christmas
icons hope you like em




































 





























 




























 





 
 













 













































 





































 

we all die. the goal isn't to live forever.
the goal is to create something that will.

hello, what the hell am i doing here? that's a really
nice suit. this is a really comfortable chair. see i don't
know if you can help me or not because i don't feel
sick but the pains my head have almost put me
underground. i don't really care if i'm healthy or
not.. just clean my head up doc.

"if having things turn out the way you want them to
is the measure of a successful life, then some would
say i was a failure. the important thing is not to be
bitter over life's disappointments. learn to let go of
the past and recognize that every day won't be silence
and when you find yourself lost in the darkness and
despair, remember it's only in the black of night that
you can see the stars and those stars lead you back
home. so don't be afraid to make mistakes, stumble
and fall because most of the time, the greatest rewards
come from the things that scare you most. maybe you'll
get everything you wish for, maybe you'll get more than
you could ever imagine. who knows where life will take
you. the road is long and in the end, the journey is the
destination."

i guess i should have said something, anything. i mean for a guy who
wants to be a writer it suddenly seemed like no words had ever been
written but when someone tells you that they some how stopped
missing you.. you're pretty much screwed no matter what you say.

sometimes i'm scared out of my mind and sometimes
i just get angry because i've let down the people i love
but i will not let down the people who love me.

my parents bought me my first fish to teach me about loving
and caring for another living breathing creature of God. six
hundred and forty fish later the only thing i know is everything
you love will die and the first time you meet that someone
special, you can count on them one day being dead and in
the ground.

a man does what he must in spite of personal consequences,
in spite of obstacles and dangers and pressuresand that is the
basis of all human morality.

"when you were a baby, i sat very still
to hold you. i could see the veins in
your skin like a map to inside you.
i stopped breathing so you wouldn't."

i may only be able to count my good friends
on my fingers and though that doesn't say a lot
about me.. it says everything about them.

after a year in therapy my psychiatrist
said to me "maybe life isn't for everyone"

i'm telling you this because you didn't ask. i've got it all
here, growing like a tumor in my throat. i'm telling you
because if i don't, i will choke on it. everybody knows
what happened but nobody asks.

now i don't like using words like forever but i will love you
until the end of today and in the morning when i remember
everything you are, i know i'll fall for you all over again.

dreams aren't meant to be understood
any more than tragedies can be avoided.
life happens to us. the only certainty in
all of it is that it just keeps happening.

stop being frightened. you only see a monster because
they want you to see monsters everywhere. they've
conditioned you to look for monsters in every shadow,
every coat hung on every door. as long as we keep
seeing monsters, we'll continue to need protection and
that's how other people get to control our lives.

i was eleven years old, he was as old as my dad
and he took something from me i didn't even know
i had. so don't tell me about decency. don't tell me
about pride. just give me something for my trouble.

so tell me the truth before i get mad. was i the best
lover you ever had and give it to me straight, does it
keep you up at night? if you're such a victim then go
call the cops but you certainly looked good when you
were on top. if i get the blame then i get the credit too.

"on the other hand.. you
have different fingers"

maybe we like the pain. maybe we're wired that way
because without it, i don't know. maybe we wouldn't
feel real. what's that saying? "why do i keep hitting
myself with a hammer? because it feels so good
when i stop."

"i haven't got the slightest idea how to
change people but still i keep a long list
of prospective candidates just in case
i should ever figure it out."

the noise of the city never stops and while you set yourself
down for bed, the world is still going to move on without you.
it's early proof that when we die, nobody will really miss us.
if they can survive without us when we sleep, then they can
survive when we die.

"whatever my real problems might be, i didn't want them
cured. none of the little secrets inside me wanted to be
found and explained away. by myths, by my childhood,
by chemistry. my fear was what would be left? so none
of my real grudges and dreads ever came out into the
light of day. i didn't want to resolve any angst. i'd never
talk about my dead family. express my grief she called
it, resolve it, leave it all behind."

a couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared
with the world the secret of his success. never leave that
until tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. this is the
man who discovered electricity. you think more people would
listen to what he had to say. i don't know why we put things
off but if i had to guess, i'd say it has alot to do with fear. fear
of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making
 a decision because what if you're wrong? what if you're making
a mistake you can't undo? the early bird catches the worm. a
stich in time saves nine. he who hesitates is lost. we can't pretend
we haven't been told. we've heard all the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted
time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day and still
sometimes we have to see for ourselves. we have to make our
own mistakes. we have to learn our own lessons. we have to
sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't
anymore, until we finally understand for ourselves what Ben
Franklin really meant, that knowing is better than wondering,
that waking is better than sleeping and even the biggest failure
beats the hell out of never trying.

because the people who are crazy
enough to think they can change the
world are usually the ones who do.

i believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge,
that myth is more potent than history. i believe that
dreams are more powerful than acts, that hope always
triumphs over experience, that laughter is the only cure
for grief and i believe that love is stronger than death.

my american history class last week necessitated me
writing a paper on the weapons of the Revolutionary
War, which necessitated me getting in the subway,
which necessitated me being away from my cell phone
and email for 45 minutes, which meant i didn't get to
respond to a mass mail sent out by my teacher asking
who needed extra credit, which meant that the other
kids snapped up the extra credit, which meant i wasn't
going to get a 98 in the class, which meant that i wasn't
anywhere close to a 98.6 average (body temperature,
that's what you needed to get), which meant i wasn't
going to get into a good college, which meant i wasn't
going to have a good job, which meant i wasn't going
to have health insurance, which meant i'd have to pay
tremendous amounts of money for the shrinks and
drugs my brain needed, which meant i wasn't going to
have enough money to pay for a good lifestyle, which
meant i'd feel ashamed, which meant i'd get depressed 
and that was the big one because i knew what that did
to me: it made it so i wouldn't get out of bed which led
to the ultimate thing.. homelessness. if you can't get out
of bed for long enough, people come and take your
bed away.

when you lose somebody you think you've lost the
whole world but that's not the way things turn out in
the end. eventually, you pick yourself up and look
out the window and once you do, you see everything
that was there before the world ended is still there.

you can't save people..
you can only love them

i am a success today because i had a
friend who believed in me and i didn't
have the heart to let him down.

i'm disgusted with the path that you took. i hate to break this
to you but being a coward is not a legitimate career. at least
i'm not a liar. i was taught when you have something good,
what you're supposed to do is hang on to it. you know? you
hang on to it with both hands and if someone tries to take it
from you, what you do is make sure they have to pry it from
your cold, dead fingers to get it.

want to know why i love you? it's cause you loved me,
when i didn't love myself. it's cause you held up my
beauty for me to see, it's cause you cared for me
unconditionally. it's cause for the first time in my life,
i didn't have to try to be happy. it just happened.

well you're not brave if you still keep the letters and
you're not sane if you don't want to get better and
you're not drunk if you can stay in your lane. well
you're not awake but you haven't been sleeping and
you hate God but you don't believe in him and you're
not scared but you still got your eyes closed.

a piano might fall on your head but it also
might not and in the meantime you never
know, something nice might happen.

when i look around i think this is good enough
and i try to laugh at whatever life brings because
when i look down, i just miss all the good stuff
and when i look up, i just trip over things.

"you know, some people say life is short and that
you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that
you have to live each day like it's your last. bullshit.
life is long. you're probably not gonna get hit by a
bus and you're gonna have to live with the choices
you make for the next fifty years."

i breathe in, i breathe out, put one foot in front
of the other. take one day at a time until you find
that someone you can't live without. until then,
i breathe in and i breathe out..

i have to ask you whether you believe that
just as one lie can destroy a life, one truth
can make it whole again.

"we were having one of those moments, you know? the
ones you see in the movies. i didn't think much of it. finally,
he leaned in real close to me and whispered, "i once heard
that love is only friendship caught on fire." so i did the only
thing i knew how to do. i laughed and laughed and laughed,
partly at the look on his face but mostly because i realized
i was now part of a cliche that i had always hated.. love."

it's been a long time since i've actually enjoyed a
sunset. i like all the colors mixing into each other.
i am getting better, slowly and things are starting to
look up. sometimes you might even see me cracking
a true honest to God smile. it's rare but it happens
more often now and even if no one else notices, i do
and that's all that really matters.

cause this shit is not about pants and this shit is
not about shirts and this shit is definitely not about
hair. this shit is about having a good fucking time.
maybe music isn't dead, maybe we all just forgot
what it fucking sounded like.

"i believe in God just as much as he does. i mean,
not that it's a contest, but we have very different ideas.
i don't think you need to seek out God directly or else
He would just come down and visit us once in a while.
i think He wants us to seek Him out through other people,
through being in love with the world. He's in the ocean,
He's in a bagful of snacks and the way you end up
laughing about them. He's in the laughing. does that
make sense?"

hey it's obscene and it's green and automatic.
i know how to make it seem like it's your fault.
i believe it when you say you need me, when
i'm screaming through the troubles that the
drugs don't solve.

and deep down i always knew. all the times i thought
that i loved you; it was just an easy answer. it was make
believe but i still believe that this heart will learn to love.

you're leaving so soon, never had a chance to bloom,
but you were so quick to change your tune. don't look
back if i'm a weight around your neck; cause if you
don't need me and i don't need you.

so many times we just give it away to someone who you
met in a bar, in the back of a car, and for a moment you
felt important.. but not in your heart.

i just want to die with a little dignity. there's no such
thing! our bodies break down, sometime when we're
90, sometimes before we're even born, but it always
happens and there's never any dignity in it! i don't care
if you can walk, see, wipe your own ass. it's always ugly,
always! you can live with dignity; you can't die with it!

maybe you want her, maybe you need her. maybe you
started to compare to someone not there. maybe you
want it, maybe you need it. maybe it's all you're running
from. perfection will not come.

i mean, you were right. i got into this for all the
wrong reasons but i lucked out because now that
i'm here, i can't imagine being anywhere else.

the door was left open the entire time, so you left the same
way you came in. i would fetch you the stars, but that wouldn't
be enough. nothing is ever enough. i'm just words on ruled
notebook paper and you were always so much more. if you
wanted me broken, you have finished the job. if you wanted
me gone, you have finished the job. don't think, don't move.
it's what i'm best at. i've got string on my knees and fingers,
but you won't always control me.

i never thought i could love anyone but myself. now
i know i can't love anyone but you. you make me
think that maybe i won't die alone.

i will always remember you as you are right now to me.
you were asleep while i gathered my things in the dark.
the burns on my fingers were all that was left of the spark.
didn't want to wake you because i knew i couldn't stay.
i'm looking foward to looking back on these days and
i'm fine, but i'm not okay. i'm looking foward to looking
back on these days.

i walk a fine line between the right and the real.
they watch me closely, but talk is cheap here like
a weightless currency, your words don't mean
shit to me. i'm always cashing out.

i'm sure she doesn't know how to touch you
like i would. i beat her at that one good, don't
you think? she's almost six feet tall. she must
think i'm a flea. i'm really a cat you see and it's
not my last life at all.

well it must have taken a whole lot of anger and it
must have taken a whole lot of time but i can't believe
that you found me after all these years. i guess you
must have something heavy on your mind.

don't settle for the guy who's going to wait on you.
wait for the one who pushes your buttons and makes
you mad on a daily basis. love isn't supposed to be
easy; it's supposed to be worth it.

i guess it's gonna have to hurt. i guess i'm gonna have
to cry and let go of some things i love to get to the other
side. i guess it's gonna break me down like falling when
you're trying to fly. it's sad but sometimes moving on
with the rest of your life starts with goodbye.

it's not about what you say. it's about what you do.
if you don't like the person you're becoming then
change because nobody's gonna do it for you.

"it is ridiculous claiming that video games influence
children. for instance, if pacman affected kids born in
the 80s, we should by now have a bunch of teenagers
who run around in darkened rooms and eat pills while
listening to monotonous electronic music."

the best way to waste your life is by taking notes.
the easiest way to avoid living is to just watch.
look for the details, report and don't participate.

hey remember that time when you OD'd? hey
remember that other time when you OD'd for
the second time? well in the waiting room while
waiting for news of you i hallucinated i could read
your mind and i was on a lot of shit too, but what
i saw man, i tell you it was freaky.

if you don't go after what you want, you'll never get it.
if you don't ask, the answer is always no. if you don't
step foward, you're always in the same place.

there are people we wonder about but don't make attempts
to contact. perhaps we're afraid of empty conversations with
someone or perhaps we're curious about someone whose
life we watched for awhile from afar. sometimes it's just been
too long and sometimes we can't even articulate the need to
know whatever happened to them. where are they? did they
make it? are they happy? are they passionate about something
in their lives or are they anything like the people we once knew?

i've become a real believer in not defining every
single thing. it just seems like everytime you think
you've figured out what something is, it just
becomes something else.

some people get down in a hole so deep
they don't know what to hold onto and some
people just make the choice to let go.

the footsteps next to me have gone their serperate ways.
i've seen enough now to know that beautiful things don't
always stay that way. i've done enough now to know that
this beautiful place isn't everything they say.

i had a pocket full of dreams but i gave them all to you.
now i think i want them back. so can you tell me if i'm
crazy or confused? don't ever change the way you are,
i've never loved anyone more.

i know the timing isn't great but these things, you just
can't plan. i just need a little time so i can find myself
again because i get buried underneath all the things
they think you are and i'm too tired to pretend it
doesn't hurt to be left out.

i'm not saying that i'm giving up. i'm just trying not to
think as much as i used to cause 'never' is a lonely,
messed up word. maybe i'll get it right some day. for
the first time in a long time i can say that i want to try.
i feel helpless for the most part but i'm learning to
open my eyes and the sad truth of the matter is,
i'll never get over it but i'm gonna try.

the truth is, i still haven't talked about it. the depression
is the same no matter how many masks i wear and it's
suffocating, there's no escape. it's agony and i know it's
my life. at times it leaves, but it never fully goes away,
not completely then there are times when i don't want to
eat, i can't fully function. it's the most intense pain anyone
could ever feel. the smile i wear is just a cover-up. it's
bearing down on me. i want so bad to let people know
the real me. i don't like hiding how i feel all the time. the
real me is so complex, so complicated. i, myself do not
fully understand who i am. i tell myself there is no cure
for this excruciating pain. happiness is an ongoing battle,
a state of mind, something i'll be fighting with for the rest
of my life. so i continue to wear the mask of the person
everyone wants me to be because they would not come
close to fully understanding who i really am.

i don't blame you for questioning why people fall in
love. it's all the things you were taught to run from.

people change for two reasons: they either
learn enough so that they want to or they
hurt enough so that they just have to.

i'll tell you this is something that you'll never hear, they
know it then and they've been holding back for years
and if you're not getting answers, ask better questions.

the thing about addictions is it never ends well because
eventually, whatever was getting us high stops feeling
good and starts to hurt. still, they say you don't kick the
habit until you hit rock bottom but how do you know that
you're there? because no matter how badly that thing is
hurting us, sometimes letting go, hurts even worse.

"entropy is the tendency of everything to move toward
confusion and disorder as time passes. no matter how
perfect the thing, the moment it's created it begins to be
destroyed. why is that so hard to learn? because i hate
that it's true."

i see the disappointment she's had to live through.
i see what her dreams were and how those dreams
never came to be. i see where her anger comes from
and her hope. u want to change her life and mine.
there is no question. i want them to change together.

i wish that time was a matter of choice, that you could live
your life controlling it. speeding it up sometimes but mostly
slowing it down. stay at a party as long as you like. prolong
the conversation until everything is known. to feel such
longing for my own life, even as I'm living it.

although it is such a singular word, there are many
variations of alone. there is the alone of an empty
beach at twilight. there is the alone of an empty hotel
room. there is the alone of being caught in a throng of
people. there is the alone of missing a particular person
and there is the alone of being with a particular person
and realizing you are still alone.

here's what i know about the realm of possibility. it
is always expanding, it is never what you think it is.
everything around us was once impossible. from the
airplane overhead to the phones in our pockets to the
choir girl putting her arms around the metalhead. as
hard as it is for us to see sometimes, we all exist within
the realm of possibility. most of the limits are of our
worlds devising and yet, everyday we each do so
many things that were once impossible to us.

so much for apologies, so much for
the promises i never intended to keep.

listen to the voice that told you 'always
love'.. even when you want to fight.

how that kid made her smile from
across the country is beyond me.
 
have you ever looked at a picture and seen a stranger
in the background? it makes you wonder, how many
strangers have pictures of you? how many moments
of other people's lives have we been in? were we a part
of someone's life when their dream came true? or were
we there when their dreams died? did we keep trying to
get in, as if we were somehow destined to be there? or
did the shot take us by surprise? just think, you could be
a big part of someone's life and not even know it.

and i'm breathing slowly like you said to
do when you had lost control. it looks like
you got away from me this time for good.

if i found satan anywhere it would be by the tracks,
trading souls of kids like me for cheap bags of smack.
when i find satan there, you know i won't be thinking
twice, because at least in hell there's rock and roll
and there ain't no Jesus Christ. i swear i left my
sanity some place in this mess.

everyone is standing in a line, not literally
but figuratively. we're all waiting for life to
screw us over. one by one we get called
to move forward.

shes just one of those girls that sit there and think too
much but most of the time she's thinking about him.
how even her homework can remind her of him. he'll
be sitting there and she'll be sitting over there and
sometimes he catches her looking over at him and at
home she's just waiting for another day, because he's
the reason that gets her to wake up every morning.

i can't remember the date or what you wore or
what the weather was like on the day we met.
i only remember that you said hello in a voice
that sounded like love.

some things don't last forever, but some things do. like
a good song or a good book or a good memory you can
take out and unfold in your darkest times, pressing down
the corners and peering in close, hoping you still recognize
the person you see there.

the last time we were all together was different than the
first. the last time, we sat there talking about nothing at all.
we had so much to say but we couldn't let it out. we were
family and we knew it then. we knew all there possibly was
to know about each other, but most importantly, we knew it
was the end. that was the last time i saw m best friends
for who they really were and the last time i ever would.

oh please, bring relief even if it's only brief. she says the
dreamer, just make believe but i thought she said maple
leaves. so we talked for hours and you cried into my
sheets. you said you hated your body, that it was just
a piece of meat. i disagreed.

she said it was to fucking die for and she realized she
was dead the next day. it's another case of being careful
what you wish for. the best kisses always have anger
behind them. it's not really love unless it leaves a bruise.

care what others think and you
will always be their prisoner.

i'm a bitch and i don't try hard enough. i'm perfeclty
happy with how i am, but i'm not all i thought i wanted
to be. i have secrets that would kick your ass but i don't
let them bother me. i'm not tough; i'm not weak. i'm not
unique or original. i am online way too much and i love
compliments. i dance because it's an art, not because
i want to be a slut. so don't ask me to shake my ass in
front of 3,000 people; i won't. i'm okay with standing up
by myself and i'm cool with being alone. i won't preach
to you about what i believe, but you will know. it's
actions, not words, that matter.

"if an individual is fat but wants to be thin, it is
not a genetic disease. if someone is stupid but
wants to be smart, it is not a genetic disease.
if a drunk is a drunk but  doesn't want to be a
drunk anymore, it is not a genetic disease.
addiction is a decision." - James Frey

see, that's my problem. nothing ever happens, so
i sit around and do nothing about nothing happening
and when people tell me to just get up and do some
thing, something inside me says no. so i sit down
and wait for nothing to happen again.

now i'm not saying you can't think for yourself or
even that you should go find somebody else but
whether you ever get over them or not they're still
going on without you.

they still talk about us like they've got nothing else
to do. it could have been lies but after all this time,
they'll still talk about us like we're not even in the
room. outside the birds sing louder than the phone
rings. every night you fall asleep with your head
phones on, look for me and i'll be gone.

all the ones who tried to tie you down couldnt even
start to understand, couldnt find the words to hold
your hand, couldnt comprehend the master plan.
all the books you started reading, all the boys you
started seeing, every half completed sentiment that
you always meant to say gets stuck inside a memory
like a miracle unfinished and you only feel like going
back to where there's no place to stay.

hello, i'm neurotic. creating problems that don't exist.
don't believe me when i say everything's alright. let's
go to my apartment, we'll put the sheets up over our
heads, forget all reasons to go outside. beats pulse,
they're automatic. locked inside of my apartment, with
the television on, i'm fine.

don't forget about the songs that made
you cry or the songs that saved your life.
 
taken in context it's not a bad thing, but when you
start to pick it apart it gets so depressing. it's that
sort of thing that makes you think too much. it's that
sort of thing that makes you lose your objectivity.

there's a certain kind of pain that can numb you,
there's a type of freedom that can tie you down.
sometimes the unexplained can define you, and
sometimes silence is the only sound.
 
"why is it that as a culture, we are more
comfortable seeing two men holding guns
than holding hands?"- ernest gaines

you're way too young to not
believe it's going to be okay
 
i once met a man and asked him if it were true that
when you get older you get wise. he said the only
answer was to get older. looking back to when i was
a kid, i realize that my ignorance was a virtue. i saw
the world in colors and shapes. now my nerves keep
me awake at night. i think about my future and what
i want to do with my life. i asked that same man if he
had any advice for me. he told me to quit living and
start breathing.

"we woke up this morning,
which is a feat in itself."

maybe we should develop a crayola bomb as our
next secret weapon. a happiness weapon, a beauty
bomb and every time a crisis developed, we would
launch one. it would explode high in the air, explode
softly and send thousands, millions, of little parachutes
into the air, floating down to earth, boxes of crayolas
and we wouldn't go cheap, either.. not little boxes of
eight but boxes of sixty-four, with the sharpener built
right in. with silver and gold and copper, magenta and
peach and lime, amber and umber and all the rest and
people would smile and get a little funny look on their
faces and cover the world with imagination.
- robert fulghum
 
i've learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there
are always two sides. i've learned that it's taking me a
long time to become the person i want to be. i've learned
that it's a lot easier to react than it is to think. i've learned
that either you control you attitude or it controls you. i've
learned that maturity has more to do with what types of
experiences you've had and what you've learned from
them and less to do with how many birthdays you've
celebrated. i've learned that quanity is not as important
as quality when it comes to best friends. i've learned
that it isn't enough to be forgiven by others, sometimes
you have to learn to forgive yourself. i've learned that no
matter how bad your heart is broken, the world will not
stop for your grief. i've learned that background and
circumstances might have influenced who you are, but
we are responsible for who we become. i've learned that
you can't make someone love you, all you can do is be
someone who can be loved. i've learned although the
word "love" can have many meanings, it loses value
when overly used. i've learned that no matter how old
or wise you think you are, life never stops teaching.
 
she loved the taste of blood. she'd bite down real
hard in her mouth just to satisfy. she would wipe y
our tears away and hold you until you were strong
enough to stand on your own, but she never knew
how to calm herself.

it has been said that something as small as
the flutter of a butterfly's wing can ultimately
cause a typhoon halfway around the world.
- Chaos Theory
 
nevermind. forget it. they're just memories
inside of a spiral notebook. you can say
i changed and i can say fuck you. you never
knew me to begin with.

you were many years older than me. you took
advantage of how young i was. i was so ignorant
back then and so much different than whom i've
become. i can't say i blame you, because i wanted
someone to hold me, and i didn't care who that
person was and it just so happened to be you.

i didn't mean to treat you bad but i did it
anyway. some would say your life was
sad but you lived it anyway.

hold your heart, you've never lived until you're loved, so
you don't care at all and what once was enough doesn't
feel good anymore. you've dug too deep, there's nothing
at all. hold your heart, you've never loved until you've lived.

i think it's sick. you two and your friends with
benefits. fifteen and oh so desperate. didn't know
that you'd regret it. no morals or conscience, no
knowing what's right. you poor little kids who
gave it up so easy that night.

there's no time for tears. i'm just sitting here planning
my revenge. there's nothing stopping me from going
out with all your best friends and if you come around
saying sorry to me, my daddy's gonna show you how
sorry you'll be.

so, what's your addiction? the plain, the emptiness,
the high? maybe we all just want to feel alive. you can
fake a smile for everyone else, but you'll never hide the
truth from yourself.

i'm movin on. at last i can see life has been patiently
waiting for me and i know there's no guarantees but
i'm not alone. there comes a time in everyones life
when all you can see are the years passing by and
i have made up my mind that those days are gone.

and i don't know if i've ever been really loved by the
hand that's touched me and i feel like something's
gotta give and i'm a little angry, but this ain't over.

i know that hearts can change like the seasons
and the wind, but when i said forever, i thought
that we'd always be friends.

and we were better then we'd ever been before. you
came back to me after walking out my door. you would
call me on the phone before you even got home. without
me, you said you were all alone.

beauty comes to those who have been waiting for something
that is bigger than themselves but this is the sound of hopeless
kids as they scream from the basements of the houses of their
parents and this is the sound of the hopeless ones as they stare
down at their books and realize that they've been lied to but if this
is real then i was mistaken and if the vision's gone, then i was not
aware. consistency like that which i have craved is that people
change so unexpectedly and realization finds you in a drunken
airport. some planes depart and others never arrive.so with this
in mind, i don't plan on waiting.

but if you're playing with a gun, well you could kill
someone and in the dark, it's hard to know a friend.

innocence it don't come easy, in a sense it
never will. accidents mean no one's guilty.
ignorance means someone's killed.

you explain to your mother how you have wanted to die so
she kisses your fingers and says, "my darling but why? when
there is so much more. there is so much more. do you know
there are spaces open and wide. believe me, there are days
longer than nights and you will be happy the minute you try.
so won't you try? won't you try?"

in some ways kids have it easy, cause people think
we don't know the difference between right and wrong.
that's the easy part. we do. we just pretend we don't
cause making yourself do the right thing, when you
don't really want to, is what we need to practice.

listen, kid, love is the only chance for happiness you'll
ever get in this life and if you're going to let a little thing
like rejection stand in your way, baby, you might as well
stay right there on the ground, because people are going
to be walking over you for the rest of your life.

it's not hard. it's painful but it's not hard.
you know what to do already. if you didn't,
you wouldn't be in so much pain.

as long as we can love each other and remember
the feeling of love we had, we can die without really
going away. all the love you created is still there. all
the memories are still there. you live on-in the hearts
of everyone you've touched and nurtured while you
were here.

some things you don't want to hear, some things are
said cause you can't stay silent, some things are more
than what you say. they are what you do. some things
you keep to yourself and not too often but every now
and then, some things simply speak for themselves.

it's sad when you're walking down the busy
downtown street and you see that girl with her
head held down staring at the ground. it's sad
because you know why, you know life got to her.

the world may never know the truth about your life, that's
because they don't care to but when you find the one who
wants to know every detail of it.. they're the ones to keep.

heaven forbid you end up alone and don't know why.
hold on tight. wait for tomorrow. you'll be alright.

they say that there are moments that open up your life
like a walnut cracked, that change your point of view
so that you never look at things the same way again.

so you failed. you wanna be really great? then
have the courage to fail big and stick around.
make them wonder why you're still smiling.

if the world could remain within a frame, like
a painting on a wall, i think we would see the
beauty. we would stand staring in awe at our
still lives posed like a bowl of oranges.

there are some people in life that make you
laugh a little louder smile a little brighter and
just live a little better.

i want to know everything about
you. what makes you feel alive?

whoever you think is watching you dance
from across the room, they aren't. if anything,
they feel sorry for you because you try so hard.
you're a has-been that never was.

well it's been a year and there's so much to tell,
been doing alright in spite of myself. just wish
i could stop feeling mad when i pray but i know
i'm gonna get there someday.

sometimes i wake up crying at night and
sometimes i scream out your name. what
right does she have to take you away when
for so long you were mine?

what have you done? this is not some kind
of joke, you're just a kid. you weren't ready
for what you did.

i'm not sad. i just want to trust someone so badly. i just
want something beautiful to happen here, right now.

when you're small, if you reach out and nobody
takes your hand, you stop reaching out and reach
inside instead.

like a drug that makes you blind, it'll fool you every
time. the trouble with love is it can tear you up inside,
make your heart believe a lie.

if i say who i know, it just goes to show,
you need me less than i need you.

did you feel it change? i mean how many
moments in life can you point to and say,
"that's when it all changed."

today the sun shined down and i realized that
maybe i can live without him. that maybe it's
okay to let go.

i can't sit back and wonder why this took
so long to die and i hate it when you fake it,
so you might as well embrace it but some
thing tells me it'd be harder without you around.

i'm not fond of the deafening silence between us. we
have nothing in common with each other anymore. it
seems like neither of us want to admit it. i'm not sure
i love you anyway. i'm not sure i ever did.

i need some sleep, it can't go on like this. i tried
counting sheep but there's one i miss. everyone
says i'm getting down too low. everyone says you
just gotta let it go.

i see you work at night, are you sexually amused? what's
it like to have a room of guys encircling you? how she
moves, how she walks. they all patiently await while the
heat from in their pockets could burn marks into their legs.

there's a pretty young thing in front of you and she's real
pretty and she's real into you and she's sleeping inside
of you and the talking leads to touching and the touching
leads to sex and then there is no mystery left.

i'd like to tell today's youth that no matter where life takes you
big cities, small towns, you'll inevitably come across small
minded people who think they're better than you. people who
think material things or being prettier or popular automatically
makes you a better human being. i'd like to tell today's youth
that none of these things matter unless you have strength of
character and integrity and if you're lucky enough to have any
of these things don't ever sell out. so when you meet a person
for the first time, don't judge them by their situation in life
because who knows, that person might just end up being
your best friend.

you know you can't stay neutral on a moving train so
pick a fucking side and place the blame because there's
nothing worse than a bird with wings who can't fly.

well, winter's gonna end. i'm gonna clean
these veins again. so close to dying that
i finally can start living.

yesterday i shaved every inch of my body and mailed
the hair to you. does that excite you? is that what you
like, pen pal? today i mailed a brick through your
window and watched you shower.

"i tried to kill myself with a lady bic, a pink plastic razor.
it had daises on it and a moisturizing strip. it took me
forever just to get through the skin, laughs."

you can cut to the bone with all my angry obsessions.
all these chalky happy pills and their consequences,
am i done with sleeping? am i done with waking up?
and i'm tired of thinking, that i've taken too much into
my apologies and lucid dreams and fucked up thinking.

i'll bet you never knew, the parade of people that hang their
heads and cry for you, with their eyes on the casket, they're
silently saying goodbye to you and the face in the crowd that
knows he could have saved you, i could save you.

let it rain on monday morning, right before the world's
awake. i will lie there and just think about the weather,
let my blood beat from my chest and put my veins up
to it's test. i will breathe in and know what it feels to feel
alive, i'm alive.

when you see her, please tell her that i still care,
care about her and if she sees me, she'll tell me
that she should have just killed me.

don't threaten me with what you think i feel. if you
could read my mind, you'd be in tears. i'm sick of
your excuses that you hold above me. i've finally
come to terms with what i am.

let's set things straight. what's done is done i never
needed you. tell me exactly who you think that you're
kidding? everyone will be happy when they find that
you're missing. you asked if we'd ever forget you,
we've got our fingers crossed.

cause i'm living. cause i'm living just to
breathe and that's enough for me.

as much as you want to, you can't rely on
someone else to make you feel alive. that's
an inside job.

people are always talking about how hard it is to
find a good man , but nowadays it's hard to even
find a good person. it's so hard to just even find
a person to talk to, someone who will just listen
and not judge, someone who will just take you
as you are.

hate is just a word for someone
you love but no longer believe in.

so you failed. you wanna be really great?
then have the courage to fail big and stick
around. make them wonder why you're still
smiling.

sometimes the strongest people in
the morning are the one that cry
themselves to sleep at night.

for heaven's sake i know you're sorry but you
won't stop crying. this anniversary may never
be the same. inside i hope you know i'm dying
eith my heart beside me in shattered pieces
that may never be replaced and if i died right
now you'd never be the same.

were you scared that for once, just for once, i could
be that one girl that will stay by your side? that one
girl that will see your flaws and learn to love it? that
one girl that will fight until the very very end for you?
that one special girl who will unlock the lock on your
heart?

you could almost say sex is like a rose. if i passed a rose
around the room and everyone took a petal, by the time it
reached towards the end of the room, there'd be nothing
left. that's how sex works. when you decide to have sex
with someone, you're giving a part of yourself to them. you
never get it back and if you're throwing yourself at too many
people, there's just going to be nothing behind it anymore.

because you're a little bit too nice, i look a little bit
like hell cause i'm a little overtired and i'm a little
overwhelmed and you're a little bit too late and it's
a little bit too soon and i'm a little bit too strange
for somebody like you.

when someone hugs you,
never be the first to let go.

the whole damn world is just as obsessed with who's
the best dressed and who's having sex, who's got the
money, who gets the honeys, who's kinda cute and
who's just a mess and you still don't have the right
look and you don't have the right friends. nothing
changes but the faces, the names, and the trends
high school never ends.

some things you lose, you don't get back. so
just know what you have and make a plan to
love me sometime soon.

everybody knows they're going to die, but
nobody believes it. if we did, we'd do things
differently.

the screams of a child and the death of a man
and now we're killing for gas out in the sand and
protecting the peace, but spilling the blood. all
hopes for the future are buried in mud.

but in today's day and age you think we would
have learned that it's the person you should
judge and that respect must be earned.

you want to say so much but you're afraid you might
say what you mean. i loved you for who you were. you
tried and tried to change me. it's funny now how you
say you're leaving because i'm not the man i used to be.

i thought about the tears you cried and the miles
that you drive. just for me, just to see if i'm alive
and breathing. so far, so good. so what happens
to us now?

my greatest fear in life is not to have
a big enough impact on someone's
life to always be remembered.

you know war it has no heart, it will kill
you in the sunshine or happily in the dark.

you'll get your money, i'll get my friends.
hard living's forgiven in the end; you got
your troubles, i got mine. on a clear day,
i can read your mind.

well i just wanna go some place where no one knows
my name and i don't have to explain. no, i don't have to
retain that i lie to myself or protect myself for the benefit
of myself. i want power in my words. i want passion in
my eyes and when i wake up, i want life to be a surprise
and i guess that i didn't know it all along and i guess that
i never guessed that i'd ever guess wrong and i set myself
up everytime you leave to destroy the things i've got for
the things i need.

it looks cloudy outside, what are you gonna do? well
we could get up or we could get on down. we could
drive to the country or head downtown.

we let the focus drift and watched the colors
fade. you pull the covers back and look at me
like you're waiting for something. something
that's never coming back.

you sit there and you list all my failures. well
at least i have failures to list. at least i tried.

i have been loved by men and i have thought
i loved them until i had to tell them. honestly,
i didn't. i was fooled by love. love that never
quite came full fledged, unfeared, whole.

i never imagined she might turn into someone
i wouldn't want to know. it didn't occur to me that
having her in my life would make it worse.

he said, "you make my organs sloosh
around loose" and i blushed, flattered,
when i should have been calling 911.

i wanted to convince myself there's nothing else to do.
i wanted to provide you with proof of what you put me
through. i wanted to pretend that it was you. "you're the
worst thing that's ever happened to me."

maybe you just have to sleep in someone else's
bed. maybe you just have to keep searching for
something better than perfect which you know
will never exist. it's cut and dried.

he takes a step outside and reaches to the sky. he's
touched by his father for the very first time. he breathes
in new life as the sun disappears, returning tomorrow to
burn away his fears.

this is what real men keep quiet. it doesn't exist if you
can hide it behind your teeth and sleep at night next to
your wife who you love too much to tell her you don't
love her at all.

is it being high that makes you alive? it makes you
leave behind three boys and a wife in '89. as the
track marks inched their way up your arm. my
mother taught my brothers and i not to call you
daddy but to call you father.

it's not the fall that kills
you. it's the sudden end.

you put your arm around my waist and pulled
me closer, it didn't feel wierd or like we were
crossing any lines. it just made sense. it just
felt right.

there are two ways to be happy.. improve
your reality or lower your expectations.

and everyone knows what doesn't kill you
makes you stronger. so when you try to pull
her down. you're helping her last longer.

have faith in love, if nothing else.

i may never get this chance again. this is why if you
want to kiss, you should kiss. if you want to cry, you
should cry and if you want to live, you should live.
maybe there isn't a God and there isn't a hell and
there isn't a heaven.

you came to me like a dream, the kind that always leaves.
just as the best part starts, it ends so abruptly and leave
you stunned and naked in your bedroom all alone. it's kind
of funny how something so soothing gets interrupted by the
ring of a telephone. one thing that i've never said, i'm truly
happy in my heart and in my head. a lonely liver suspended
in liquid. it's one thing that i never did was smile..

when you've laughed as much as you've
breathed, you'll realize how beautiful life is.

i want to stay as close to the edge as i can
without going over. out on the edge, you see
all kinds of things you can't see from the center.

the whole problem with the world is that fools and
fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but
wiser people are so full of doubts.

i've got a time machine that works but the travel it hurts.
my time is all but a dream that is weaved in a start that's
an end but to understand it's a sin, to begin on a day that
was not meant to end. i've got a time machine that works
but the travel it hurts and the day always ends, it can
never just begin.

i'm sitting a room, made up of only big white walls and
indoor halls. there's people looking through the windows,
though they know exactly what we're here for. don't look
up, just let them think there's no place else you'd rather
be. you're always on display, for everyone to watch and
learn from. don't you know by now, you can't turn back
because this road is all you'll ever have.

"peace cannot be kept by force. it can
only be acheived by understanding."

we become attached to what's familiar and
sometimes we hold onto things that are safe
and predictable even if they are bad for us.

it's been three days now and i've hated everyone of
them. i said that i would be fine, but i am so far away
from it. it's cold where you are and i really wish i was
there. i wrote all of this down, so you would know that
i care.

i can't remember when i last saw you laugh.

i'm just a stupid fuck with brilliant luck and sometimes
a bright idea. so shower me in a chorus of compliments
and a verse i don't deserve. i might run but i'll never hide.

i waste at least an hour everyday lying in bed then i waste
my time pacing. i waste time thinking. i waste time being
quiet and not saying anything because i'm afraid i'll stutter.

people say that i look like you and you look
like me. we get this crazy combination of
everything or nothing right.

the highs would make you fly and the lows make
you want to die and i was once there, hanging from
that very ledge where you are standing. so i know,
i know, i know, it's easier to let go.

i wrote a poem, an epic, tinged with dark
humor, decided to give it to my mom
because this is all her fault, somehow.

i'm obsessed and stressed with this mess.
i can't think of things to write down, to type
down and these fingertips are moving faster
than these lips, so you can only imagine how
jealous my mouth is.

all of the prisoners serving life sentences wait for
the earth to suddenly shake, for the walls to some
how suddenly come crumbling, tumbling and for
the bars to somehow magically break.

"i object to violence because when it appears
to do good, the good is only temporary. the evil
it does is permanent."

had a friend, she once told me,
you've got love, you ain't lonely.

i needed to see her again. i couldn't explain
my need to myself and that's why it was such
a beautiful need. there's nothing wrong with
not understanding yourself.

i'm sorry for my inability to let the unimportant things
go, for the inability to hold onto the important things..
i'm sorry for everything.

i wondered for the first time in my life, if life was worth
all the work it took to live. what exactly made it worth it?
what's so horrible about being dead forever and not
feeling anything and not dreaming? what's so great
about feeling and dreaming?

so many people enter my life. you have to keep
the door open so they can come in but it also
means you have to let them go.

i like the stories that the mouth can't tell fast enough,
the ears that aren't big enough, the eyes that can't take
in all the change. i like the hugging, the bringing together,
the end of missing someone.

i know you hate it when i leave the light on. i pick up a
book, turn the sheets down, take a deep breath and a
good look around. put on my pjs and hop into bed. i'm
half alive but i feel mostly dead. i try and tell myself that
it'll be alright. i just shouldn't think anymore tonight.

i'm going to see some friends out of state.
the very trip you were supposed to take
awhile ago but it fell through like all of you.

found a letter from a man i might have met,
addressed to you and i'll steal the words he
ended with. i miss you and i do miss you.

i guess it's safe to say you're never coming back
and i understand why you wouldn't want to. i guess
it's up to me to find a way to get to you.

"nobody wants to admit this but bad things will keep
on happening. maybe that's because it's all a chain
and a long time ago someone did the first bad thing,
and that led to someone else to do another bad thing
and so on. you know, like that game where you whisper
a sentence into someones ear and that person whispers
it to someone else and it all comes out wrong in the end
but then again, maybe bad things happen because it's
the only way we can keep remembering what good is
suppose to look like."

i know everything's been going wrong, nothing's
working and it seems so long. the world's a mess
right now, i know. nothing goes right no matter
what we do.

i'm puttin the hero back in heroin cause i'm happier
walking dead. stickin it in, i never grew up and i'm
sure i never will and i'm sure that what i'm sayin is
irresponsible but i'm never having kids and i'm never
getting hitched because i'm already married like a
scratch to the itch. they tried to tell me in school
i'm a thug, i said fuck this piece of shit school,
cause i'm on the drug.

guess i'll hang out with my friends and i know we'll
end up at a show, where they'll drink away the
dreams they gave up long ago, but i can't complain
cause i've been right there doing the same.

you left before i had a chance to say goodbye but
that's the way life usually is. it just passes you by
but you can't hold onto regrets and you can't look
back. so i'll just be thankful for the times that i had
with you. i hope i'm just like you.

but don't feel bad for me.
i started out alone and in
the end, that's where i'll be.

cause everything must belong somewhere. just
like the gold around her finger and the silver in his
hair. yeah, everything must belong somewhere.
i know that now, that's why i'm staying here. in
truth, the forest hears each sound. each blade
of grass as it lies down. the world requires no
audience. no witnesses, no witnesses.

i think she gave me something to live for, i guess
i helped her pass the time and i had a vision of
seeing things straight. she had the heart of a liar.
i never saw her leave me once. she never felt me
beside her.

this is where i say i've had enough and no
one should ever feel the way that i feel now.
a walking open wound, a trophy display of
bruises and i don't believe that i'm getting
any better.

on monday morning, i look forward fearlessly to
friday's eve but humans are not as reliable as
nature, as tree. i wonder if you'll come back.
i only trust that you'll leave.

the last time i say you, you turned away.
i couldn't hear with your voice ringing in
my ears. do you remember where we
used to sleep at night? i couldn't feel
you, you're were so far away.

someday you'll see that is the truth. the body grows
tired when no sleep can mend it and tired has chased
and killed all of our friends. there's no place left in the
sky for them to send us to. just lay down and let the
light come through the doors. cover up our dreams,
cover up the years.

we'll lift your sleeves, so bare they might see your
angles and errors. arms that have shared with you
every heart attached in your skin. i'm so sorry.

i'm realistic and narcissistic, you say i'm selfish
and absurd. you try to change me, try to save me.
you say i'm gonna learn.

you're gonna fly, with every dream you chase.
you're gonna cry, but know that that's okay.
sometimes life's not fair, but if you hang in
there, you're gonna see that sometimes bad
is good. we just have to believe things work
out. life has no guarantees.

lately i've been numb, i swear i'm getting better or
it's just begun, it really doesn't matter cause the way
i see, things will end as they're meant to, just like we do.

something tells me that this is going to make sense.
something tells me it's going to take patience. some
thing tells me that this will all work out in the end.

i threw everything out that doesn't make sense to
find a thousand more things that don't make sense.

i'm sixteen, my world just opened wide. i've got a
pocket full of change, i'm tired of thinking underage.
just cut this string and let me fly, say goodbye.

i'd like to think the best of me is still hiding up
my sleeve. they love to tell you stay inside the
lines but something's better on the other side.

"do what you love and you will find someone
who loves the same thing. don't look for love,
beg for love or suffer for love. just live."

"you've got your whole life to do something and
that's not very long. so why don't you give me a
call when you decide you're willing to fight for
what you think is real for what you think is right."

at least i'm not a liar. at least i'm not a cheat.
at least i don't care what these god damn
mindless people think of me. ten bucks says
you don't have it in you to conquer fear and
quit believing what they tell you to.

sometimes, the last thing you want comes in first.
sometimes, the first thing you want never comes
and i know, the waiting is all you can do.

so lets make a list of who we need and it's not
much, if anything. lets make a list of who we need
and we'll throw it away cause we don't need anyone.

well it's been a year and there's so much
to tell, been doing alright in spite of myself.
just wish i could stop feeling mad when i pray,
but i know i'm gonna get there someday.

when you remember how hard it is to change
yourself, you begin to understand what little
chance you have of changing others.

"hope is why the stars light their candles every night.
even when the darkness is too deep for you to see
them, you know they're out there, shining and beaming
across millions of miles. so i tell you, don't give up on
hope and it won't give up on you."

gary is getting drunk to forget sarah. sarah is
stealing money from her parents. aaron is lying
straight to jon, about meghan and the things that
went on. jessica is a gossip; laura is a slut. derrick
hits bridget and ben deals drugs. seth spends all
his money gambling. joey stopped praying. it's all
the same. we are all the same people with sinning
hearts that make us equal. here is my hand, not
words said desperately. it's not our job to make
anyone believe.

so i am reminded of things i've forgotten. the
way doors can open and people just walk in.

and i fell hard, quickly. i think this is me finally
realizing that it wasn't my fault, that things aren't
meant to be. i am going to stop being bitter and
start being happy for all of the wealth that comes
to him, because he will always have a special
place in my heart and i think that he knows that.

this place is so empty. my thoughts are so
tempting. i don't know how it got so bad.

you think that you are complicated, adeep mystery
to all. well it's taken me awhile to see you're not so
special. all energy no meaning, with a lot of words so
paper thin that one real feeling could knock you down.

i miss winter just because i miss when i knew you
best. i miss the typewriter in the basement. i miss
making your room a mess. i miss not being missed.
i miss it all, so i guess i lose.

i know it's tough when you break up after seven
months and yeah i know you really liked her and
it just doesn't seem fair. all i can say is pain like
that is fast and it's rare and oh, you got so much
going for you, going right but i know at 17 it's hard
to see past friday night. she wasn't right for you
and still you feel like there's a knife sticking out of
your back and you're wondering if you'll survive.

i hope i didn't seem too vulgar when i asked to
come over. it's just these last few weeks, well
they've been hard on me. i got burned and i can't
seem to recover and so we loved or so it seemed.

and the crowd starts to weep but the irony of the story
is when i fell to my knees and began clawing at the dirt
in front of the tombstone of my bashful childhood with
you by my side you're screaming at the top of your
lungs, "let it go!" and i'm screaming at the top of my
lungs "the ceremony was not proper, there were not
enough people and who picked the music? those
melodies almost made me physically sick!"

yes i received your letter yesterday. about the time
the doorknob broke, when you asked how i was
doing, was that some kind of joke?

"this is to 4am phone calls and tears that can't be wiped
away by tissues. this is to valued phone numbers that got
lost in the washer, torn into a million little pieces. this is to
those that had their hearts ripped from their sleeves. this
is to those who live with a heart that has long since been
broken. this is to the "what ifs" and to the "wishes" that will
never come true. this is to holding your breath in that one
perfect moment and being terrified that you'll blink and it'll
all be gone. this is to when it's all gone, and you feel like
there is nothing left. this is to everything you thought once
meant something, but never did. this is to what didn't
happen. this is to knowing a relationship may or may not
work out, but taking the leap anyway. this is to finding him,
and holding on tight. this is to the girl behind the smile. this
is to these magazines and movies, the ones that make girls
stop eating, breathing, stop caring. this is for those who fall
in love in their dreams, and wake up only to wish to be
sleeping again. this is for true love never ignited. this is for
those who never get it, those who wonder where love starts.
this is to that one person who thinks you're kindest, sweetest,
smartest, and most beautiful person ever. this is to the one
person who thinks you mean everything. this is for losing that
person. this is for loving him, but having to say no to him. this
is for the nights where you can't sleep because every word
they said plays over and over. this is for the days you stay
home because your heart is too weak for laughing. this is
to letting go, just when he starts to hold on. this is to beautiful
boys who are just beautiful friends. this is to the tingly butterfly
feeling you get when they're around. this is to the night where
feelings changed. this is to the very first kiss. this is to eye
contact, avoiding it, keeping it, trying to hide it. this is to the
girl that never gives up. this is to the boy that lets her give up,
to the parents that are so naive. this is to the little girl that looks
up to her older sister. this is to the older sister, who looks up,
even more to their younger sister. this is for being so in love
that it fucking scares you. this is to the words never spoken."

death and life feed each other.

my old man always swore that hell would have
no flame, just a front row seat to watch your
true love pack her things and drive away.

and then you said "no, i'm not from the south, i am
further north than you," with that you kissed me full
on the mouth and that was when i knew you were
either drunk or you wanted me and you know, either
way i wasn't going to disagree but how did one crazy
night turn into six weeks? how can we be going out
if neither of us speaks? i think we're the same in many
ways and i admit, we had some memorable days but
not many.

"you've been in the house too long"
she said and naturally, i lied.

now the cops will get me, but girl if you would let me
i'll take your pants off. i got a little bit of blow, we could
both get off later bathing in the afterglow. two lines of
coke i cut with draino and her nose starts to bleed a
most beautiful ruby red.

our song is the slamming screen door, sneaking out late,
tapping on your window when you're on the phone and you
talk real slow cause it's late and your mama doesn't know.
our song is the way you laugh. yhe first date, "man, i didn't
kiss her, but i should have." and when i got home before
i said amen, asking God if he could play it again.

it's like having 10,000 spoons when all you need
is a knife. it's like meeting the man of your dreams,
then meeting his beautiful wife. isn't it ironic?

when i was young I used to turn up the bass and
rock out to billie jean and thriller in my basement
when michael jackson was a pop sensation every
second song on the radio. remember axle telling
us to have patience and records sold without any
affiliation. when william hung and music still had
no relation. someone tell janet bring back the
rhythm nation.

do not seek the because: in love
there is no because, no reason,
no explanation, no solutions.

hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that
if you just show up and try to do the right thing,
the dawn will come. you wait and watch and
work. you don't give up.

you've made quite a life for yourself, one better than
you've dreamt but it's weighing down the sides of
your mouth to an appearing frown. there's more to
it than it might sound.

i guess the most that i can do is make a call and
tell you the truth, sing the words in melody and hope
that you'll believe me. i still don't know where to begin.

at least you lived to talk about it. at least you got
your health, at least it made you feel alive. even
though you wish you weren't right now.

i don't know. i can't remember you. i've been
thinking about the times and i don't care.

last night she handed me a son of my own. it killed me
to do it, but i picked up the phone. hey dad, i burned ten
years down this highway, and i learned what i learned
the hard way. truth is, i need you, we'll cry if we need to
and i'll swallow my pride if you will too. that's the
measure of a man.

there's a difference between love and being content.
being in love is when you worry about your significant
other. if you're content, you know he's not the one.

you don't say much of anything when questioned of
your whereabouts and i just can't see through the
evidence, it's evident. it's right in front of me in black
and white and red and i don't believe in much of any
thing. i'm glad i have people i call friends. if it was up
to me, i'd never have to miss you.

just be true to yourself, if it lands you in hell, well at least
now you know. loud and clear is your heart, big and bright
are the places you might someday go with one million
things holding you down, why you're one of those things.
i don't know, no big deal, gotta go. if you're up to your
ears in blood, sweat and wasted years, i'm hoping
you're going to open your throat and just scream.

i love to watch some people read. just knowing
you're learning everything there is to know about
life. that's why I'm falling apart and dangerous.
i never know where to turn. i mean for all that
i know, we're all on our own. we're learning until
we fall but somebody's got to fall.

there's always another wound to discover. there's
always something more you wish he'd say.

the minute you settle for less than you deserve, you
get even less than you settled for. don't be afraid to
believe that you can have what you want and have
what you deserve.

we break up, it's something that we do now.
everyone has got to do it sometime. it's okay,
let it go. get out there and find someone.

even though i can't touch your face, i feel you
with me everyday. i wish you could see all my
dreams coming true. when i get lost, i close
my eyes and i feel you shining down so bright.
there's never been another that loved me like
you did.

what i really meant to say is i'm really not that
strong. no matter how i try, i'm still holdin' on
and here's the honest truth. i'm still in love with
you and, that's what i really meant to say.

i don't care if i will ever be the same but
everything just keeps reminding me of
winter, like the drive that i took on the
night i lost my mind.

somehow you have managed to get under my skin,
more than anyone ever did snd if every hole makes
a scar and every scar marks its place, then i will
never live freely without your trace and it'll never be
fair, pretending everything is right to make it better.
i'll hide my make-up smeared eyes. this drama sat
shotgun, only the glove box knows how the story
goes. now that this bandage is broken and the cuts
left in open, i'll tell you just one thing: this wasn't
worth the sting.

some kind of happiness is measured
out in miles. what makes you think you're
something special when you smile?

if there is no struggle, there is no progress. those
who profess to favor freedom and depreciate agitation,
are men who want crops without plowing up the ground.
they want rain without thunder and lightning.

i can see it in your eyes you mean all of what you say.
i remember so long ago, see i felt the same way. now
we've got seperate lives and lovers. insignificantly
enough we both have significant others.

there's always something different going wrong.
the path i walk in the wrong direction. there's
always someone fucking hanging on. can
anybody help me make things better?

are you happy out there in this great wide world?
do you think about your son? do you miss your
little girl? when you lay your head down, how do
you sleep at night? do you even wonder if we're
alright? but we're alright..

i hate these consequences because i know that
i let you down and i don't wanna deal with that.

"he started me on the highway to nowhere and guess
where i'm standing now. still, remembering our time
together brings more happiness than anything else.
they say you'll always love your very frst love. i'll
always love him a little."

anyone can be taken at any time in our lives
but we always wait until they're gone to say
the things that always meant the most.

it's okay to be angry and never let go. it
only gets harder the more that you know.

and yet i need not to need. someone
always reaches out to my weakness,
and won't let go. i need not to need.

all i'm asking is to be alive.

i've almost figured out just what i should say.
everything's playing with my head, all my friend's
have told me it's playing with my heart and every
second is a new start.

one lie just sparked another, and in time you're a collector
and i tried to keep it simple, and you felt the need to tangle
all of our loose ends. what a fabulous mess you made.
i believed everything that you said.

i hope with all my heart that someday i'll be found. i'm
open for the voices, but i cannot hear the sound and i
know about you, knew all these years, and i gave all of
my tears, and i'm choking on my fear.

when it's november we can say our last goodbye,
but i still remember when you loved me in july. i hope
you know it happens all the time, i just can't seem to
shake this luck of mine.

we always admire what we
don't really understand.

if i'm going to be alive, then i might
as well be incredible. i want to do
more than just exist.

we are terrible for each other and yes we are
a disaster but tell me your heart doesn't race
for a hurricane or a burning building.

people say there's always a perfect
person out there for everyone, but
i seriously think mine got hit by a truck.

we cannot become what we need
to be by remaining what we are.

what doesn't bend breaks.

everybody loves the underdog,
but nobody wants to be him.

so why don't you give me a call when
you're willing to fight for what you think
is real, for what you think is right.

i drank your poison because you told me it
was wine. shame on you if you fool me once.
shame on me if you fool me twice.

and as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.

sometimes pain becomes such a big part of your
life that you expect it to always be there because
you can't remember a time in your life when it wasn't
but then one day you feel something else, something
that feels wrong, only because its so unfamiliar and
it is in that moment you realize you're happy.

it's friday night, two for one. you're either loved or you're
lonely and if you're young then you're young and shouldn't
have to sleep alone.

the wisdom from a youth's mouth is my favorite
thing to hear and the wind still tells my time but i'll
never get old enough to listen to my Father's voice.

i am humbled on these city streets and the people are
so conent with what they see. since when is this so
natural to the human being to see their brother begging
and children wandering the street?

i really don't understand how it makes a difference
what you believe if you never stand up to defend it.

they watch your life. they are on the edge of the seat
when you're battling your feelings of conviction and
reputation. you don't and when you make the choice
to save your own reputation, the audience goes wild,
they applaude your decision because it somehow
makes them look good, like everyone should be
compared to everyone else and if the standard is
lower, the work is less.

i have come to the realization that life is more than
what i have accomplished and life is more than the
realization that we have accomplished nothing at all.
true success is so selfless, so drown in the lyrics of
your life and give up the air you breathe. you don't
need anything.

when you get to the end of all the light you know and it's time
to step into the darkness of the unknown. faith is knowing that
one of two things shall happen; either you will be given some
thing solid to stand on or you will be taught how to fly.

on the rocks, staring at the ocean, not thinking, not speaking,
simply being. the waves hypnotize me with their endless rhythm
and the wind sighs of eternity and the gulls cry their mournful
song. grey skies, gentle waves and a peaceful mood able to
soothe the angriest man.

"because sometimes you have to step outside the
person you've been and remember the person you
were meant to be. the person you wanted to be.
the person you are."

"may you have warm words on a cold evening,
a full moon on a dark night and a smooth road
all the way to your door."

can you imagine what it feels like to have someone sit you
down and tell you that you're dying? the gravity of that? then
the clock's ticking for you. in a split second your awe is
cracked open. you look at things differently - smell things
differently. you savor everything be it a glass of water or a
walk in the park but most people have the luxury of not
knowing when the clock's going to go off and the irony of it
is that it keeps them from really living their life. it keeps them
from drinking that glass of water but never really tasting it.

can i ask you a question please? promise you won't laugh at
me. honestly i'm standing here afraid i'll be betrayed. as twisted
as it seems, i only fear love when it's in my dreams, so let the
morning light come in and let the darkness fade away.

something inside me is breaking, something
inside says there's somewhere better than this.

we were a late night vision. i was all that you longed for.
you were all i was missing. this could be the change we're
looking for. we're all angels on the inside, but we play filthy
roles on the outside.

if there's nothing ventured then i guess
there's nothing gained, if it's not worth the
pleasure then it won't be worth the pain.

i know that it's harder to breathe
knowing that you had it made.

save your breath for breathing, just put it behind you and
fight the fights worth winning but be ready when they find
you don't think you're something that you're not. all you
needed was someone to show you all you could be,
someone who would push you through the door, turn
the lock, break off the key. so his fragile footsteps walk
away, now that you found the remedy.

there's nothing like deep breaths after
laughing that hard. nothing in the world
like a sore stomach for all the right reasons.
- The Perks of Being a Wallflower

olease don't misunderstand my intentions because
i never meant to let it go this far. i'll be on my way
now, but before i depart, promise me you won't settle
for less than you deserve and don't let anyone tell you
you're not good enough because I've seen your worst
and it's far better than i will ever deserve.

in your whole life, nobody has ever abused you more
than you have abused yourself and the limit of your self
abuse is exactly the limit of abuse that you will tolerate
from someone else.

that's the thing about having all the answers. it's
only after you say them that you realize sometimes
they weren't what people wanted to know.

if you wake up at a different time, in a different
place, could you wake up as a different person?

and you said to me, "son, one day you'll
be a man and men can do terrible things."

i started looking out for myself today, but then
i stopped cause i don't care. i'm feeling bored of
feeling numb, so now i'll stop cause i don't care.

you better see how evil you can be. when you see my evil
smile, it's the one that you'll remember when i am not so
kind. can't you see that this is death and death is saving
me. i say burn all your bridges while you still have control
of the flame. i know it's hard for you.

you were my compass leading me to nowhere fast.
promises were lonely roads, i followed you down like
a map. fuck you. promises don't make friends.

build a wall of books between us in our bed. repeat,
repeat, the words i know we both said. relax into the
need, we get so comfortable. remember when i was
so strange and likeable?

it makes me want to keep it locked inside. you got
gasoline but i don't have a light. i wanna hang out, it's
not a good time. i'd rather be somewhere that i could
find people that don't live off the words that are said by
someone else. cause talking shit is so bad for your health.

first with your hands and then with your mouth. a down
pour of sweat, damp cotton clouds. i was a fool, you were
my friend, we made it happen. you took off your clothes, left
on the light. you stood there so brave, you used to be shy.

where were you while
we were getting high?

you know i'm really okay. the gun in my hand will tell
you the same but when i'm in my car, don't give me
any crap, cause the slightest thing and i just might snap.

when i go driving, i stay in my lane but getting cut off
makes me insane. i open the glove box, reach inside.
i'm gonna wreck this fuckers ride.

and if it comes to murder, don't tell and we
won't ask you how you sleep at night when
the lights go out and you're all alone.

i knew him well when he was seventeen. now
he's a man and he'll be dead by Christmas.

you'll say "it's really good to see you." you'll say "i missed
you horribly." you'll say "let me carry that, give that to me."
and you will take the heavy stuff and you will drive the car
and i'll look out the window making jokes about the way
things are. how can i go home with nothing to say? i know
you're going to look at me and say, "what did you do out
there and what did you decide? you said you needed time
and you had time."

just take it easy on yourself, forget all the
stupid things we say. i know you beat on
yourself, i know it's in your blood.

here you are and there's where you wana be but
don't think you don't have company, think of all the
lonely people in the world and if it's God who made
us, why are we so damn cruel?

we fought your wars with all our hearts, you've sent
us back in body parts. you took our wills with the truth
you stole, we offer prayers for your long lost soul.

impossible isn't a fact, it's an opinion. it's
not a declaration; it's a dare. it's potential,
it's temporary. impossible means nothing.

and you told me you loved me too but you thought that
our love was wrong. i talked you off the ledge by morning.
you caught this train and you headed home. well, i still
remember the day that i met you, i still remember the day
that you left, still remember the day you came back. now
i remember the things you said and i remember the days
and the good times and i remember the nights without.

it was terrible living through it the first time, but i think it's
going to be almost as bad to live through it once more on
paper. to try.. not just to get it all down accurately, but to
understand it. i need to make sense of it. i need to try to
turn the experience into something valuable for you and for
myself. not just something to be pushed away and forgotten.

i still remember the last note you sent.
eight simple words said, "no hope in love,
no hope in waiting." no hope in hell that i'll
stop waiting, that i'll stop loving you.

maybe i'll stop wondering when i'm gonna die.
maybe then i'll stop holding on so hard to my life.

when your family calls, you make nice to them all
and assure them you're fine, you're great then you
cry in the bath, cry so hard that you laugh, then
watch television til late. who do you need? nobody.

in a coma, you don't dream, you
just hope someone sits with you.

he slapped me and it felt like a kiss. the
bite marks on my neck, never felt so good.

you're always looking for something to sniff, smoke
or swallow. calling over next door to see what they got.

i must confess im not impressed theres
nothing worse than losing you..

it's finally winter and i'm so happy. i do
better in the cold. i like the friends who
don't try to save me. i've been trying
that too long.

question marks hung like meat hooks on my shoulders,
pulling them down. what kind of anorexic was i? i had even
failed at that. at any minute someone could have walked in
and seen how i flunked the test. working around food was
a test and look what happened. i can't do anything right.
i can't not even not eat right.

ladies and gentlemen, may i have your attention please? this
is the captain of your ship, i'm sorry we departed this way.
you left me broken hearted but i never loved you anyway.

now a forest fenced becomes backyards like
songs are born from sound and an apple fell and
it taught us all we are chained here to the ground

i know the distance is a factor but i stretch as often as
i can and my goal is to reach your hands any day now.

she said know that i love you, and that should be
enough. seeing you everyday, i must admit.. it's
tough. ill be with you, but i will never be yours.

"yhanks for listening," i told her.
"almost nobody hears me anymore."

explain to me how you're so damn naive,
think i don't see. forget what i said. you're
only good in bed or on your knees.

when he said, "i hope you're sleeping better knowing that
i never sleep at all." did you reply with that smile? i know
this can't be what you had in mind. i guess you'll try it all
again next fall, you'll feel better on the day that he dies. so
when you're pulling on your trendy clothes and humming
every stupid note to this song that's on your mixtape that
we're singing oh so loud, yeah we're singin' now. when
she said, "you gotta make your plans, to start making
plans alone," maybe we will and maybe we won't.

"she's probably out fighting the cause." "looks like
you've been fighting the cause too, man." "i don't
have one. that's the problem."

so make me promises girl, the kind i know you can't keep
and while i'm losing my mind, i hope you're home finding
sleep but you and i both know that that's not the case
because the look on your face gives all your secrets away.
can we talk this over? at least just for tonight. i asked
myself one hundred times, why did we even bother? why
did we even try? but i miss you more than i did before.
i showed you my heart and you showed me the door.
your subtle hints, i'm catching wind. how insincere are
your fingerprints?

i know it's tough when you break up after seven months,
and yeah, i know you really liked her and it just don't seem
fair. all i can say is pain like that is fast, and it's rare and oh,
you got so much going for you, going right, but i know at 17
it's hard to see past friday night. she wasn't right for you and
still you feel like there's a knife sticking out of your back and
you're wondering if you'll survive.

we can't have it all but we can break the
fall. this time i'm letting go because i can't
take it anymore.

i guess it's only right to give someone what they need.
even if it's nothing they ever wanted in the first place.
i've seen everything with my own two eyes, the hurt and
pain that love causes. that's why i won't let you go down
the road to emotonal overdose. if i had her again everything
would be alright but nothing's alright and nothing's okay
when you live in a memory.

i hope i didn't seem to vulgar when i asked to
come over. it's just these last few weeks, well
they've been hard on me. i got burned and i can't
seem to recover and so we loved or so it seemed.

little holes in parachutes won't leave you falling,
if they do.. it's because you want to land.

i've been counting on nothing but he keeps giving
me his word and i am tired of hearing myself speak.
do you get weary? do you ever get weak? how do
you dream when you can't fall asleep?

it's saturday as usual, it always is and me, i'm in my
bedroom drawing in my notebook cause my hand thinks
i'm an artist, but my heart knows i'm a poet. it's just, the
words, they mean so little to me. i can't seem to deal with
total trust. there is something very wrong with me.

she's a lady and ladies shouldn't be messed with.
take off your shoes, come in the room and baby
let's try not to argue, turn out the lights, turn on the
radio, how can we fight when i'm too busy loving you?

you're the icing on the cake on the table at my wake.
you're the extra ton of cash on my sinking life raft.
you're the loud sound of fun when i'm trying to sleep.
you're the flowers on my table when my allergies
come out.

misguided by the 405 because it lead me to an alcoholic
summer. i missed the exit to your parents house hours
ago. red wine and the cigarettes: hide your bad habits
underneath the patio.

well all that icing and all that cake, i can't make it to your
wedding, but I'm sure I'll be at your wake. you were talk,
talk, talk, talkin' in circles that day. when you get to the
point, make sure that i'm still awake, okay? went to bed
and didn't see why every day turns out to be a little bit
more like Bukowski and yeah, i know he's a pretty good
read but God who'd wanna be.. God, who'd wanna be
such an asshole?

i always figured there'd be time
enough, i never let it get me
down but i can't help it now.

didn't mean to laugh, didn't know i had. didn't
know the better part of what you said because
in your head, you are not home.

it was not the intention but we let it all go. well, it
messed up the function and sure fucked up the
flow. i hardly have people that i needed to know,
because you're the people that i wanted to know.
all this scrambling around, hunting high and then
low, looking for the face, love or somewhere to go.
i hardly have places that i need to go because
you're the places that i wanted to go.

i know why I love, i know. You're leaning down
and gently you say, "i want to leave." sure, you
can go, but then you will sleep alone.

i closed my eyes and closed myself and closed my
world and never opened up to anything that could
get me at all. i had to close down everything.

i fell in love again. all things go, all things go. drove to
Chicago. all things know, all things know. we sold our
clothes to the state; i don't mind, i don't mind. i made
a lot of mistakes.

you don’t understand. liking someone, let alone loving them,
doesn't work like this. you can’t just say, "hey, here’s a list of
everything that i am and i’ll be damned if it’s not good enough
for you."

sometimes she dreams that he’s caught in a stream,
and the water keeps pulling him down. she reaches for
him as he pulls her in, she wakes just before she drowns.

did you dress me down and liquor me up to make me
last for the minute when the red comes over you like it
does when you're filled with love or whatever you call it?

you're a tongue-tied talker with sleepy eyes
that always gets the last word you're not
broken, you're just tired and it shows.

it won't be the same i turned the lights down
and then i hit the ground. even in the dark,
lonleliness knows my name.

i woke up this morning with a piece of the
past caught in my throat and then i choked

it turns out, sometimes you have to do the wrong thing.
sometimes you have to make a mistake to figure out
how to make things right. mistakes are painful, but they
are the only way to figure out who you really are.

take it back to the beginning, back to the start.
when gravity’s pulling, you’re still holding my
heart. you come crashing down.

your sweatshirt finally stopped smelling like you.
the flower pot is still broken on the floor since
your last visit. i don’t have anymore ideas or
theories over why you always decide to leave.
i just know you are breaking my heart.

been in love since you were twenty-one, you haven't
laughed since january, you try and make this up, this
is so much fun, but we know it to be quite contrary.

it's those pills that you don't need to take, medicating
perfection, now that's a mistake. i know that you're
spent, just let me sing you to sleep. it's your finger
and how i'm wrapped around it. it's your grace and
how it keeps me grounded. i know that you're weak,
just let me sing you to sleep.
 
"no one who had never been depressed like me could
imagine that the pain could get so bad that death became
a star to hitch up to, a fantasy of peace someday which
seemed better than any life with all this noise in my head."

this charade is getting older than suicide attempts
say you love me, say you love me and write it in
your blood and you know what say it again. see how
fast your chest collapses. we are all the lucky ones
and i'll decorate myself with your insides.

all the immediate unknowns are better than knowing
this tired and lonely fate. does he love you? does he
love you? will he told your tiny face in his hands?

armed and ready, you fought love battles in the night
but too many opponents made you weary of the fight
blinded by passion, you foolishly let someone in. all the
warnings went off in your head still you had to give in.

i can't explain why we live this way. we do it every day.
preachers on the podium speaking to saints, prophets
on the sidewalks begging for change. old ladies laughing
from the fire escape. i've got a basket full of lemons and
they all taste the same, a window and a pigeon with a
broken wing. you can spend your whole life working for
something just to have it taken away. people walk
around pushing back their desks, wearing paychecks
like necklaces and bracelets, talking about nothing, not
thinking about their every little heartbeat, every little breath.
working your fingers bare to the bone, breaking your back,
make you sell your soul. like a lung filled with coal, suffocating
slow. the air in my skin and the world under my toes, slavery
stitched into the fabric of my clothes, chaos and commotion
wherever i go love, i try to follow.

just because you can spell "love"
doesn't mean you should say it
so much

and i can rest assured that love will always cure you.
no matter what the sickness is, no matter what hurts
you and if you give it, i have learned it will all be
returned, if you only give love.

i know we're so wrong but it feels so right and
it's not a party, if it happens every night. i'm
running on empty, you're running out of luck.
so let's ditch this city, before we sober up.

i can make you believe any lie. i can make you pick
a fight with somebody twice your size.. well i've been
known to cause a few breakups. you had some of the
best times you'll never remember with me and alcohol.

now i was told since before i could speak that a man's
emotions are what makes him weak. i come to you more
or less a humble man, because you are a woman and
i find most of the time i miss the way your body coils
around mine. the slope of your shoulders, the curve of
your spine because you are a woman. i change my strings
and pack my suitcase. i'm always leaving for some other
place but i'll return to you again and again, because you
are a woman.

i can tell you're having trouble breathing, because
you'll never be okay. you'll always be in pain. you'll
always feel this way because things they never
work out right. you'll always be in pain.
 
"it's not right to feel shitty this time of year, but
everybody does. it's like this is life and once you
go through it long enough, you realize what the
flavor is and it sure ain't vanilla!"

maybe you still love me. maybe you don’t. either you will
or you won’t. maybe you just need some time alone. i will
try to understand everything has its plan. either way, i’m
gonna stay right for you. maybe the sun will shine today.
the clouds will roll away. maybe i won’t be so afraid. i will
understand everything has its plan, either way.

it's the kind of night for vodka and forties. who's
ready for the war tonight? who's ready for the war
tonight? i'm running on caffeine and nicotine and
amphetamine. it's more stimulants on the way,
but who doesnt have a drug problem these days?

"i have to believe that when things
are bad, i can change them."

can't say that i missed you but you know
it's been a long long, it's been a long long
time no see. you were at a party sellin' LSD
i was just a teenager, nothin' to do. it's been
a long time since i ran into you.

i've made love, yeah. i've been fucked,
so what? i'm a cartoon, you're a full
moon. let's stay up.

there's a part in everyday, where i lie to myself
and say that it's okay because if i don't, i think i'll
go insane but the truth is, i only have myself to
blame.

time never had a chance to heal your heart.
just a number counting down to a new start.
if you always knew the truth, then the world
would spin around you. are you dizzy yet?

you wanted to know just what makes me tick,
i guess i could say that, you and your bullshit
are pushing me towards an explosion. i guess
you're what drives me. i wish i could ride you,
drive you too fast into a sharp curve, break your
neck like you broke my will, the guardrail will take
you home.

burn the candle down to the end. in darkness i can't
find a reason to pretend. make me see things that
i don't want to see. images of someone who i used
to be. this empty room is my companion. my empty
heart gives me compassion.

someone, stop my hands from shaking, iron in my
spine's conducting lightning, raging anger, yeah you've
never been truly mine but if you were, yes if you were,
i wouldn't want you anyway.

i remembered today, why i like rap and hip hop and all
those horrible one hit wonders that everyone forgets
about in a few weeks. i remembered why i listen to those
stupid lyrics about nothing. about guns and killing and
drugs. i love it all so much and i would pick it over songs
with meaning any day of the week because they don't
remind me of anything.

"i watch them walk hip-to-hip down the street and
despite all the people, bodies, faces, swarming
around like pissed yellow jackets, i have never felt
so abandoned."

"he started me on the highway to nowhere and guess
where i'm standing now. still, remembering our time
together brings more happiness than anything else.
they say you'll always love your very first love. i'll
always love him a little."

is it wrong to assume that you missed me? because
the look in your eyes says that you're dying to kiss me.
the touch of your lips is tasteful and forgiving, a part of
the past that i don't mind reliving.

love is like oxygen. you get too much,
you get too high. not enough and you're
gonna die. love gets you high.

she wants someone to call her angel, someone to
put the light back in her eyes, she's looking through
the faces and the unfamiliar places. she needs
somone to hear her when she cries and she says,
"take me away, and take me farther. surround me
now and hold, hold, hold me like holy water."

"but it's hard, really. owning up to what you did. no, it wasn't
that. owning up was easy. the hard part was saying the part
that came after you admitted you fucked up. the actual two
words. i'm sorry. two tiny little words, but i swear, they'll tear
you up like hyenas. i swear."

oh no, here comes that sun again that means another day
without you my friend and it hurts me to have to look into the
mirror at myself and it hurts me even more to have to be with
some body else and it's so hard to do and so easy to say but
some times you have to walk away. with so many people to
love in my life, why do i worry about one? we've tried our good
bye so many different days. they say if you love someone you've
got to set them free, but i'd rather be locked to you, than live in
this pain and misery. they say that time will make this all go away
but it is time that has taken our tommorows, and turned them into
yesterdays and once again that rising sun is dropping on down
and once again, you my friend are no where to be found.

thinking about all the things that we said and coming
apart at the seams. we try to talk it over, but the words
come out too rough. i know you were tryin' to give me
the best of your love.

i won't forget how hard i cried when i discovered you
had lied, when you said i could never hurt like this.

and honestly, i'll dance on your grave cause since you
fucked me over, shit just ain't been the same and i'm
smarter now you could say and i'm walking the line of
insane.

well, i'm singing this song as loud as i can as i drive too
fast with my best friend. i don't wonder if you're wondering
where i am because i don't care if i ever see you again.

saying sorry doesn't mean anything. it's how you
treat the person after it and after you said it to me,
you did the same exact thing over again.

i lift my head to hear an angel cry, "there is nothing more
wasted in this world than life" and I'd sing the harmony, in
attempt to agree, but i have an awful voice to match the
awful life i lead.

oh baby, let me explain something.iIt's all down to drugs.
at least i remember taking them and not a lot else. it seems
i've stepped over lines you've drawn again and again but if
the ecstacy's in, heroin is definitely out.

i know another way to think, if you open your eyes
because i know the way you're brought up and the
way you're supposed to think cause i know to look
before you jump and jump before you look.

tomorrow, when i wake up, i'm finding my brother and
making him take me back down to the water. that lake
where we sailed and laughed with our father. i will not
desert him, i will not desert him. no matter how i may
wish for a coffin so clean or these trees to undress all
their leaves onto me.

rock is deader than dead, shock is all in your head.
your sex and your dope is all that we're fed. so fuck
all your protests and put them to bed.

sex can be fun when you're old enough which none of you are,
i should know. when you lose it to some guy named Junior with
bad breath in the back of a van at a Guns N' Roses concert,
you're gonna wish you had listened to your mother when she
said, 'they're not gonna want to buy the whole friggin' ice cream
truck when you're handing out the popsicles for free."

the moral of the date rape story. it does not pay to be drunk
and horny but that's the way it had to be. they locked him up
and threw away the key. well, i can't take pity on men of his
kind even though now he takes it in the behind.

you might've heard i run with a dangerous crowd,
we ain't too pretty. we ain't too proud. we might be
laughing a bit too loud, but that never hurt no one.

there was once a man who jumped off the Golden Gate bridge
to commit suicide. the next day, when his physciatrist went to
his apartment, he found a note on the counter. it read, "dear diary,
i am going to the bridge today. on the way there, if anyone smiles
at me, i am not going to jump. i will turn around and come right
back here but if no one smiles at me, I will jump." well, this man
jumped. out of the hundreds of people that he passed that morning,
no one smiled at him.

"you asked me if i believed in magic and i said yes, and that's
how. you just step out, start pulling your life out of the air. you
make friends, you find work you really like doing, you find places.
you find diners and laundromats. you find beaches. you find a junk
car and drive it for a month, then leave it beside a road. you find
someone to fall in love with you. you make it all up as you go or
you know, maybe it makes you up."

you are way too young to not
believe it's going to be okay.

you're only 16. you're not yet married so go with the flow,
laugh tons, use manners, try something new. will you just
kiss him already? trust your feelings, spend your cash,
introduce yourself, take a chance, study hard, seek
happiness, regret nothing. don't laugh at people's dreams,
make a wish on 11:11, challenge yourself, take pictures
and appreciate the memories. you should make time to
dance in your underwear and learn from the past. play
dress up and then take all your clothes off. have the time
of your life.

i didn't mean to treat you bad, but i did anyway.
some would say your life was sad but you lived
it anyway.

i'm a man of my convictions. call me wrong, call me right
but i bring my better angels to every fight. you may not like
where i'm going but you sure know where i stand.

i had the notion that you'd make me change my ways, my
bad habits would be gone in a matter of days. i had the
feeling that you'd open up my eyes to a whole new world
that had since been in disguise. her mom calls her sunshine,
because she always had a smile. let me tell you something,
i've seen your daughter in an alleyway, drunk and stoned.
i still remember the day that sunshine got cloudy.

could you feel when i snuck in? starting slowly a battle
i could never win. could you feel when i burst through?
i am the sunlight drenching you.

i got your letter, read that mom was gone. i never thought
that dad would ever lose his mind. i haven't slept, it seems
like all week long and i've prayed a thousand times.

they hit you at home and they hurt you in school. they
hate you if you're clever and they despise a fool, till
you're so fucking crazy you can't follow the rules.

he was never called cool, no he never fit in because he
thought for himself and he went against the trends but the
abuse at school was finally setting in, yeah. until the day
he found a place to go with the other punk rockers, at the
punk rock show. shoulder to shoulder with his new allies,
he forgot about school as tears came to his eyes and he
sang, "these are the days, these are the days, these are
the days we will never forget, no."

i was walking down the road the other day, daydreaming my
life away when a little daisy caught my eye. said, "i'll tell you
if he loves you or not." and to my surprise, well i think that daisy
lied cause i've seen the way you've been looking in my eyes.

when i called you telling you how much i missed you and
you said you couldn't love me anymore. i had the tough task
of learning how to be me again. for so long, it had been me
and you, we and us. so i threw myself at every guy possible.
i was either trying to find what i had again or trying to make
you see how much you really needed me, so you would come
back and we could have that again. in this whole process,
i realized, when two people are together, they are considered
a whole and the hardest part of breaking up is becoming a half
again.

we all need something we consider worth
getting up in the morning for. whether it's
real or not; healthy or destructive.

if you've got a point to make, make it. if you've got
something to say, say it. it's your life so whatever
you do, don't fake it, don't fake it.

well you don't wanna let me go, but you can't have it both
ways, no. what can i do? cause i can't help falling and
i can't stop calling you. what can i do?

the weekend's almost over, i feel myself getting older. it's
becoming more and more apparent. i'm turning out like my
parents. i hate going to bed early but i gotta go work for a
man who doesn't know my name. makes me wear a uniform
so everybody looks the same but i can't be late, i've got those
credit card bills i gotta pay.

i don't want to be perfect.
i just want to be okay.

now open up wide, fist first down your
throat. where no beauty lies and rip
out what should've been mine

you know it's all your fault, you can't deny it now.
we've got it written down like a medical record in
unreadable writing. so while she's dying in her
sleep; i hope you're choking in your dreams.

desperate times call for desperate
measures. you're about as desperate
as they come.
 
you wanna swim in the river, i wanna dance in the
summer. you've always been the believer. i'm
always left to wonder. the water is rushing so fast.
i think it will take us under. oh, what thought did you
recall that would make you say my name? the
water's so deep. a friend says "don't go" but my
mouth betrays me and says "hold on"
 
you left me with nothing
but i've worked with less.

"most people don't know who they are, that's
why they lie. they're afraid somebody will figure
it out before they do" - One Tree Hill
 
i told you; "i love the sweet nothings, that make me
feel like something." and then you whispered; "you're
not something. you're everything. everything to me.
everything for me. everything in me. everything i don't
deserve; but everything i have."

"i’m really not as stubborn as i seem,"
said the knuckle to the concrete

part my ribs like the sea and change me cause stone
doesnt beat and rock. hearts dont pump anything but
i've grown not to think because at least stone doenst
sling like blood or spill like guts across the floor where
the bloodsuckers want more and more and more

and breathing is a foreign task and thinking's just
too much to ask and you're measuring your minutes
by a clock that's blinking eights.

sometimes apologies don't mean a thing like four in the
morning when you're in bed sleeping you don't need a
phone conversation to wake you up to bring you down
cause when it's over we both know.

after a while, you get sick of caring and you're too
hurt to fight. sometimes, no matter what you do,
things won't be alright.

alice came to a fork in the road. "which road do i take?"
she asked. "where do you want to go?" responded the
Cheshire cat. "i don't know," Alice answered. "then,"
said the cat, "it doesn't matter."

since when did being different become bad?
when did speaking your mind become offensive?
when did asking for honesty get you lies?
since when did you change for the worst?
when did judging people become right?
when did it become right to ask the least
from the people you expect the most of?
when did pain begin to hurt so much?

"basement days, attic nights. its not so much that
theres something wrong with me as there is nothing
right. got some books on the floor, they're holding up
my standards. swore myself off of you but i don't do
too well with ultimatums"

what came first, the music or the misery? people worry
about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos,
that some sort of culture of violence will take them over.
nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally
thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery
and loss. did i listen to pop music because i was miserable
or was i miserable because i listened to pop music?

"we are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless.
we don't get to choose all the endings but we are asked to play
the rescuers. we won't solve all mysteries and our hearts will
certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way.
we were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring
ourselves out again and again until we're called home."

and instantly, i feel so complete. it hits me right about the time
you kiss my cheek and you give me this feeling, it's like no other
feeling but it knocks me off my feet. please don't ask me what
i like about you cause it's every little thing you do and that's just
the way you make me feel.

"i've met God across his long walnut desk with his diplomas
hanging on the wall behind him, and God asks me, "why?" why
did i cause so much pain? didn't i realize that each of us is a
scared, unique snowflake of special unique specialness? can't
i see how we're all manifestations of love? i look at God behind
his desk, taking notes on a pad, but God's got this all wrong.
"we are not special. we are not crap or trash either. we just are.
we just are and what happens just happens" and God says,
"no, that's not right." yeah well whatever. you can't teach
God anything."

and it's not okay and it's not alright. you can't fool me
so don't even try and it's not okay and it's not alright.
what have you been doing with those guys all night?

i smile because when i cry it doesn't help. when i cry, all
it does is make people ask me if i'm okay. i would just love
nothing more than to punch these people. i'm sitting here,
crying my eyes out but yes, i'm perfectly happy. i mean,
come on. give me a break. obviously i'm not fine.

if he's the one you want, the one you love and the
only one who can make you happy, then no matter
how long you've liked him and no matter what
people say, you should keep waiting.

too many people miss the silver lining
because they're expecting gold.

it used to be so easy, he'd just have to tag me
and then i'd be it. red rover, red rover, i'd come
right on over. we would run a race and no matter
how far behind, we'd both be standing next to
each other in the end.

when you run from something, it only stays longer.
when you fight something, it only makes you stronger.

there's once in a lifetime and there's once
in a while and the difference between the
two is about a million miles.

because you're hoping you're wrong and everytime he
does something that tells you, he's no good, you ignore
it and everytime he comes through and surprises you,
he wins you over and you lose that arguement with
yourself, that he's not for you.

people will forget what you said, people
will forget what you did, but people will
never forget how you made them feel.

everyone says love hurts, when actually love doesn't hurt.
love didn't leave you for some other girl, it didn't cheat on
you, nor break your heart. so stop blaming love for once
and start blaming the asshole that treated you like shit
and gave you up.

it's funny how when i found him, he was everything
i've wanted and nothing i've been looking for.

run in the rain to get wet, call a friend because
you care, smile just cause you can and laugh
just to make people stare.

i want a guy who's not scared to laugh at me and call me a
loser when i do something dumb. a guy that'll run up behind
me and cover my eyes and ask me to guess who he is, even
though it's obvious. a guy who hides behind a corner and jumps
out to scare me, so he'd have a reason to hold me. a guy that
leaves me numberous voicemails, just cause. a guy that'd call
to wake me up in the morning, because he wants to be the first
voice i hear each day. a guy that would never let go of my hand.
a guy that would look me in the eyes and tell me he loves me
and mean it. yeah, that guy.

don't waste your time with the people
who don't make you feel alive.

i don't need a rose, i want a daisy you picked for my hair.
i don't want a box of fancy chocolates, i want a burnt cookie
that you made just for me. i don't want to go to some upscale
restaurant, lets just have a picnic in the park. we don't have
to go to prom, we can just dance on my front porch until we
fall asleep in each others arms.

it doesn't matter how long you've known him.
all that matters is that, he's had you smiling
since day one.

i never really needed you
there, i just liked you there.

i'm the kinda girl who can get in the shower and finally
realize there are no towels. i'm the kinda girl you will
have crazy memories with, that i remember the next
day and burst out laughing in the dead silence at school.
i'm the kinda girl who carrys her emotions on her back,
but doesn't ask for help, hoping her eyes beg for her.
i'm the kinda girl who will make you remember what
we had and will shove it in your face. yes, i'm that girl.

never say you've lost a friend, because
if a friendship is capable of ending, it
never really existed in the first place.

the only promise in life is death.

life doesn't give you the people you want, it gives
you the people you need to help you, to hurt you,
to love you, to leave you and to make you into the
person you were meant to be.

maybe love, too, is beautiful because it has a wildness that
cannot be tamed. i don't know. all i know is that that passion
can take you up like a house of cards in a tornado, leaving
destruction in it's wake or it can let you alone because you
have built a stone wall against it, set out the armed guards
to keep it from touching you. the real trick is to let it in, but to
hold on. to understand that the heart is as vast and wide as
the universe, but that we come to know it best from here,
this place of gravity and stability, where our feet can still
touch ground.

just because you deserve it doesn't
mean they're going to give it to you.

every addiction was just a way to treat the same problem.
drugs or overeating or alcohol or sex, it was all just another
way to find peace, to escape what we know, our education,
our bite of the apple. language she said, was just our way to
explain away the wonder and glory of the world. she said
people can't deal with how beautiful the world really is.

you know what i love most about 'us'? i love how comfortable
we are with each other. i love how we endlessly pick on each
other, but we never take the teasing to heart. i love how you
laugh like a little boy when i tickle you. i absolutely adore how
when i walk away from you when we are fighting, you try to
stay mad, but then you run after me. i love you and everything
about you. the look in your eyes when we kiss, or how you
stay up watching me sleep. i love how you need me as much
as i need you. i love how you love me.

friends are people that touch your heart. you could spend hours
with them doing nothing at all and it can be the best time of your
life, just because it was with them. they’re the people you can
share your secrets with, cry with, laugh with and just have fun
with. they don’t judge you or make you change. they accept you
exactly as you are. you all share something in common and are
tied together by memories, tears, laughs and smiles. friendship
is the strangest but greatest thing in the world. i find my time
with my friends the best times of my life.
 
deciding to get back together with someone is a complicated
and difficult decision. just remember that the person you are
getting back together with is the same person who, not long
before, looked you in your beautiful face, took full stock of you
and all your qualities, and told you that he was no longer in
need of your company.
 
but growing up my parents saw what sending a kid to fight
can really do. now with the war i can tell they're a little shook
up 'cause just a few mothers sons will never really be enough.
not till half of our names are etched out in a wall and the other
half ruined from the things we saw.

what you looking at? you all are a bunch of fucking assholes.
you know why? you don't have the guts to be what you wanna
be. you need people like me. you need people like me so you
can point your fucking fingers and say, "that's the bad guy."
so what's that make you good? you're not good. you just
know how to hide, how to lie. me, i don't have that problem.
me, i always tell the truth. even when i lie.

see, i call them as i see them and i mean this honestly
but once i get a few drinks inside of me, don't mind my
honesty and while i'm free to say whatever's on my mind,
did you know that i was sorry and that i miss you all the
time? given the chance to see if i could make things
right, i'll try.

what's your pleasure, what drugs did you do today?
because of your habits, who died along the way?

i wish you saw what life was worth. you wouldn't
have to hide your problems and i don't care what
you might think, i think you've had too much to
drink. can't even talk when you're this way.

"i wanted to destroy everything beautiful i'd never have. burn
the Amazon rain forests. pump chlorofluorocarbons straight
up to gobble the ozone. ppen the dump valves on supertankers
and uncap offshore oil wells. i wanted to kill all the fish i couldn't
afford to eat and smother the French beaches i'd never see.
i wanted the whole world to hit rock bottom."

i'm trying to wake you up! there's a big fucking world out
there. it's messy and it's chaotic and it's never, never ever
the thing you'd expect. it's okay to be scared but you cannot
allow your fears to turn you into an asshole, not when it
comes to the people that really love you, the people that
need you."

you've got ideas in your head of someone you could talk
to, someone that's forever and though you've told me
twice before not to count on nothing, my foot is in the
door. watch the time flying by, i guess you'll stay over
again but i won't kid myself, it isn't me because in the
morning when you leave, you won't know i never slept
because you were dreaming, no it isn't me.

don't attach yourself to anyone who shows you the least bit
of attention because you're lonely. loneliness is the human
condition, no one is ever going to fill that space. the best
you can do is know yourself; know what you want.

you wanna get burned, you wanna get turned.
you wanna get fucked inside out. you wanna be
ruled, you wanna be fooled.

i want you to understand something. as far as
i can tell, this friendship is over and if we never
speak again for the rest of our lives, that'll be fine.

we always inevitably find ourselves wanting to
run back to the ones we used to love, for some
reason, thinking it would work out differently
the second time around.

"when i fell to the floor tonight, i was so scared, i was
terrified then i saw you and i promised myself that if i
could just get up, i'd walk over to you. i'd tell you how
much i need you and how much i want you and how
nothing else matters."

you are young and so am i and this is wrong, but who am
i to judge? you feel like heaven when we touch, i guess for
me this is enough. we're one mistake from being together
but let's not ask why it's not right. you won't be seventeen
forever and we can get away with this tonight. you are young
and i was scared, you're wise beyond your years, but i don't
care and i can feel your heartbeat, you know exactly where
to take me.

you dropped the note and we changed key, you changed
yourself and i changed me. i really didn't see us singing
through this then you screamed the bridge and i cried
the verse and our chorus came out unrehearsed, then
you smiled the whole way through it.

sometimes i lie awake all night and think of all the wrong
that could be right. sometimes i sit and think for hours and
think about what means so much to me, but it's funny how
it always seems to end up, me feeling bad about things that
aren't even messed up and then i wonder what the future's
gonna be like, what's tomorrow gonna bring? and then
i wonder do i take each day for granted? and do i think
enough about today? sometimes i look at everyone and
the role they play in everyday. sometimes i think of all my
friends how they're like my family.

i think i know what you mean but watch what you say cause
they'll try to knock you down in some way. sometimes it feels
like the world is falling asleep, how do you wake someone up
from inside a dream? your mind would wander and searched
for its place in the night, your body followed this feeling like
following light. once that your music was born, it followed you
round and then it gave your activites meaning and let you be loud.

we were so tired yet so alive, wrapped up in lies like sheets of
another one night stand. you know you left the girl with nothing
but the sunrise through the window pane, where tired eyes will
close. stay seventeen, the party scene has got the best of me
and you, we've got to let this go. i know she hopes i choke on
this last drink, drop dead before my influence gets to her head.
she said, "i'll love you forever or find something better." it's all
just the same as when we sleep together. we wake up with
headaches and trouble remembering what went wrong.

i guess it's not what you take when you leave this
world behind you. it's what you leave behind you
when you're gone.

words only affect you as much as you let them.

maybe i'll stop wondering when i'm gonna die.
maybe then i'll stop holding so hard to my life.

are you doing what you're doing today because
it's what you want to do or because it's what
you were doing yesterday?

"i think that's what i find most strange about this world,
that nobody ever says how they feel. they hurt but they
don't cry out. they're happy but they don't dance or jump
around and they're angry but they hardly ever scream
because they feel ashamed. nothing's worse than that.
so we all walk around with our heads looking down and
look never up and see how beautiful the sky is."

he wrote about how happy he was and how sad he
was and all the things he wanted to do but never did
and all of the things he did but didn't want to.

yeah, i saw you watching me tonight from across the room.
i appreciate the drink, that was nice of you. thanks for coming
out to see me, i hope you liked the show. yeah, that's right,
i settled down about six months ago.

cause everybody tries to put some love on the line and
everybody feels a broken heart sometimes and even when
i'm scared i have to try to fly. dometimes i fall but i've seen
it done before. i gotta step outside these walls.

father's a name you haven't earned yet, you're just
a child with a temper. haven't you heard, don't hit a
lady? kicking your ass would be a pleasure.

you, you got me thinking it'll be alright. you, you told
me, "come and take a look inside." you believed me,
in every single lie but i, i failed you this time.

open up the book you beat me with again. read it off one
sentence at a time. i'm tired of all the lines, convictions
and your lies. what right do you have to point them at me?

it seems like every time i try to make it right it
all comes down on me. please say honestly
you won't give up on me.

well, maybe we all could use a little
grace to know when to run and when
to stay in one place.

feeling overwhelmed, i take a dive to a once overfilled but
now empty place to hide. the day you turned on me is the
day i died and i've forgotten what it's like and how it feels
to be alive.

no one said it would be easy, but no one said it'd
be this hard. no one thought we'd come this far.
sometimes i wonder who he's picturing when he
looks at me and smiles.

she don't believe in anything but if you ask her,
she'll say there's plenty of things to believe in.

i think i was wrong, i think you were right, that all my
angry words will keep me up at night and through the
old screen door i still hear you say: “oh, honey won't
you stop treating me this way?”

down here i feel like a citizen of nowhere. my bag's all
packed in case they ever come for me. got a hundred
stories and tabloid lies, got witnesses to what the
government denies.

it's much too scary and you might see something
you wish you hadn't seen. out of sight, out of time,
out of patience and good morning hate.

the walls have been talking about me again. i'm good for
a joke but when i awoke the dream didn't end. now every
time i turn around i'm only sleeping. is anybody out there?
don't the wounded birds still sing?

please don't let this turn into something it's not. i can only
give you everything i've got. i can't be as sorry as you think
i should but i still love you more than anyone could.

and i stayed awake for a day or two, i thought about the
world, drank gin and watched the news, and there are
some things i'll never understand. like why the country
needs a God and why a woman needs a man.

i've hit my limits and my calorie intake has started to take
a hit as well. i'm not comfortable with this as we all thought.

"what i want is to be needed. what i need is to be
indispensable to somebody. who i need is some
body that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my
attention. somebody addicted to me. a mutual
addiction."

you're only sorry cause you got caught and you're never
happy cause you think you're not and a stories no good
without a thickening plot. so when the water finally settled,
you stirred it up. you fucked it up.

in a day, when i don't recall your name, would you
tell what it means to be forgotten. i never want to
hear you say there's no way i could ever understand.

"i'm not looking for a lover. all those lovers are liars.. i'd
never lie to you." you say you want to get even? yeah, you
want to get your bad man good? well are you in the mood?

when you're living off the clock, it's hard to give a fuck.
it tells you where to be and when to be there. it's two
hands and sixty numbers but it's authority and it helps
and when it runs out, you know it's time to rest.

a sound can drive you crazy; givve you the power to flip
out, to give away your sanity. the sound of a crying man
is enough to bring me to my knees. i never pray but today
we need someone, something.

i guess i've been a liar for awhile but it's not all on me. i didn't
blame you for what you did to me, i couldn't cause i loved you
but a liar is a liar, no matter which way you turn it. i'm not sorry.
i have no regrets. mistakes are a part of us, part of all of us.

he was my dad, he was supposed to protect me. little did
people know, he was the monster. when you're told to stay,
you're too scared to leave. it's hypnotizing and it's dirty. i was
always a wreck. i'm not justifying what i've done to others with
this; i just don't know who i was supposed to be.

when you have a loaded gun, you can lose control. you can
lose your temper and lose your mind. it's simple to end what
hurts with a bullet. it doesn't give off silence but it has the
ability to destroy what gives you a hard time.

i was so young and full of innocence and when i lost someone
i cared for, it was the end of the world for me. i guess it was just
how i felt at the time cause i'm writing these words, but i grew
up now and death comes in a blaze of glory.

i was in love and that's all that really mattered for
me. i put walls around anyone who tried to tell me
different and kept falling for him. well, when he hit
me, it shocked me. it felt like a kiss and i couldn't
make sense of it. it just, blew me away.

you're so young and so bright, you don't know what
the real world is like. you've been given hell for years
but that's always been home for you. see, the beatings
don't seem too bad when it's all you've ever known.

listen kid, don't hurt so bad. it's just love is a hard thing to
understand and no one really knows why you feel the way
you do. i guess it's like losing after you've given your best
or a slap in the face after giving your heart. it's a tricky
emotion but it's all worth it, in the end.

i don't mean to be rude but there's no other way to talk to you.
you don't let me finish and you don't give me a chance. you're
always so sure of yourself, it's a project to lower your
judgments. whoever taught you to be so cold?

and well i know you still take your pills and i know you
don't believe you'll ever feel better, but for now i'd like
to relax. your sighs of relief are music to my ears.

and what a day, we watched helplessly as the two kids took
lives. we cried and dropped to our knees in despair and what
a day when the towers collapsed on thousands and family
members grieved over their missing loved ones and what a
day when our troops flew to war and some closed the door
to hope.

and i guess you weren't around when the priest broke down.
he found his dark side in the confession booth and the police
stood with him while he told of his lies. father, i didn't mean to
turn my back when the time was right, but i never thought we'd
get this far.

well, if i don't make you cry in your sleep, i hope you
wake with a choked throat and bloody teeth. may my
shadow continue to find you in the closets you hide.

it's a beautiful day. do you remember what the sun
feels like? god, you used to love the colors. it's so
long ago, but i remember.

everyone bleeds sometimes but no one bleeds like you.
i haven't seen a cry for help like that in ages. you're too
far gone for understanding words and you don't love
yourself anymore. you don't love at all anymore.
somewhere down the line, you lost yourself.

true love is loving someone when
you don't feel like liking them that day.

"story of my life? you know, when you think about it,
that's kind of a weird thing to say. i mean, it's meant
to be sympathetic right? but it's kind of not, like you're
telling the other person there's nothing unique about
what they're saying to you."

so block the sun from lighting up my sky, let the rain
fall with no rainbow to back it up. rip apart my heart
without sewing up the seams. baby, i don't need you.

it's great to have someone you know so well, that you
don't even have to verbalize what you're thinking most
of the time. the other person just gets it, picks up on it.

the truth is, there is no line. there's only you're life,
how you mess it up, and who is there to save you.

when you walk away from something
and there's no gravitational pull, then
you know you're doing the right thing.

"it's not that some people have the willpower
and some don't, it's that some people are
ready to change and others are not."

the glass is neither half-full nor
half-empty. it's twice as big as
it needs to be.

today will be the day to start rising up and fighting back
and from this moment on we will live our lives with open
hearts and open eyes. just keep pushing foward.

i dropped by your house today. my spiral down is over
and everyone is gonna say that i am in way over my
head. i don't think that you'd believe the things that i've
been up to since you went away.

yeah, don't destroy yourself like those cowards do.
maybe the sun keeps coming up cause it's gotten
used to you and your constant need for proof.

and i don't hate myself, just the things i do
but i hope you see that i'm trying to improve.

we never see things changing. we only see them
ending and some vicious whispering voice kept
saying you have no choice.

i'm surrounded by everything that really
scares me, a room full of empty people
regretting every time that they inhaled.

you don't deserve to be lonely; but those drugs you got
won't make you feel better.pPretty soon you'll find it's the
only little part of your life you're keeping together.

when you're dreaming with a broken heart, the waking up
is the hardest part. you roll out of bed and down on your
knees and for the moment, you can hardly breathe,
wondering, "was he really here?"

here's to you, my best friend. just wanna
say that i miss having you around..

once they gave you answers, but now they give you hell.
they will never understand, they wonder where did they
go wrong. how could you be so selfish? why can't you get
along?

we barely have time to react in this world, let alone
rehearse and i don't think i'm better than you, but i
don't think that i'm worse.

do you ever wake up to realize your life is
meaningless? does it give you strength or
lead you to your grave at a young age?

she was falling for the senior football star and before
you knew it he was dropping passes, skipping practice
just to spend more time with her. the coach said, "hey
son, what's your problem? tell me, have you lost your
mind?" daddy said "you'll lose your free ride to college.
boy, you better tell her good-bye" but now he's wrapped
around her finger, she's the center of his whole world.

what drives you on can drive you mad. a million lies to
sell yourself is all you ever had. don't believe in love.
don't believe in hate. Don't believe in anything.

so i'm your latest cup of tea to
keep your cold hands company.

i really don't understand how it makes a
difference in what you believe if you never
stand up to defend it.

maybe you just have to sleep in someone else's bed.
maybe you just have to keep searching for something
better than perfect.

i need to start to be myself
cause i'm sick of everybody
else.

there's always some reason to feel not good
enough and it's hard at the end of the day

and i've lost all my friends but you're the one
i miss the most and now i'm almost there yeah,
i'm almost to the coast and if i had any notion of
how to drive my car across the atlantic ocean
i'd be fucking set.

you took for granted all the
times i never let you down

our instincts, they were cringing about how we
lived our lives. it didn't seem we'd lived enough
to even get to die.

i know i promised you forever and there is
no stronger word i can use to reassure you
when the storm is raging outside, you're my
safest place to hide.

when you can't quite match your
clothes or when you laugh at your
own jokes that's when i love you.

i don't really even care if i'm alone now, whoa whoa.
i don't even give a damn about falling in love, falling
in love. body burning by my heavy heart of stone now,
whoa whoa.. but i don't really give a damn about
falling in love.

you're a tongue-tied talker with sleepy eyes
that always gets the last word. you're not
broken, you're just tired and it shows.

if there's one thing i've learned, it's that we never
feel the heat until we get burned but we tried so
hard not to die. sometimes we forget to
appreciate life.

somewhere in my closet, there's a cardboard box
just sittin' on a shelf. it's full of faded memories and
it's been there ever since the night you left. oh, just
forgotten photographs to remind me of the past. oh,
but i can still see everything just fine. who needs
pictures with a memory like mine?

on the rocks, staring at the ocean, not thinking, not
speaking, simply being. the waves hypnotize me with
their endless rhythm and the wind sighs of eternity
and the gulls cry their mournful song. grey skies,
gentle waves and a peaceful mood able to soothe
the angriest man.

cause when you're talking out loud and nobodys there you
look like hell and you just don't care. you're drinking more
than you ever drank and sinking down lower than you ever
sank. when you find yourself falling opon your knees, prayin
to god, begging him "please" that's when she's more than
a memory.

may your tears come from laughing, you find friends
worth having. with every year passing, they mean
more than gold. may you win but stay humble, smile
more than grumble and know when you stumble
you're never alone.

'cause who you are, what you say. you're just
a boy who's afraid of the dark. what you've got
means shit to me. i'm not impressed.

i'm not saying that i'm giving up. i'm just trying not to
think as much as i used to cause 'never' is a lonely
little messed up word. maybe i'll get it right some day.
for the first time in a long time i can say that i want to
try. i feel helpless for the most part but i'm learning to
open my eyes and the sad truth of the matter is, i'll
never get over it but i'm gonna try to get better and
overcome each moment in my own way.

"it's not right to feel shitty this time of year, but everybody
does. it's like this is life and once you go through it long
enough, you realize what the flavor is and it sure ain't
vanilla!"

when you're dreaming with a broken heart, the waking
up is the hardest part. you roll out of bed and down on
your knees, and for the moment, you can hardly breathe
.just wondering, "was he really here?"

so if your lover should leave, don't get too sad
and don't compose epic poems to win her back
cause when your bird has flown she'll never
return home

when the morning sun comes, you'll know i didn't run
because when the rain came, it still never changed.
through the laughter and the tears, the pain and my
fears, i'll stay, i'll wait right here.

here's to you, my best friend, just wanna
say that i miss having you around.

what makes it so easy for you to be walking by and
what did i do that you can't seem to want me? why
do we lie here and whisper goodbyes? where can
i go that your pictures won't haunt me? what makes
it so easy for you to be walking by?

the thought of death, it scares me to
death and i don't know why, i don't know.
it's just too much to never wake up.

"hey kid. get your head out of the clouds.
you know, you could drown in the rain"

there's always some reason to feel not good
enough and it's hard at the end of the day.

there's always something
more you wish he'd say..

the sad thing is, you can still love someone
and be completely wrong for them..

you've got to understand why you felt what
you did and why you no longer need to feel it

you'll never find the right person if
you don't let go of the wrong one

everybody's stuck in 1981 and they suck.
everyone thinks that they can live and love,
but we all know they can't.

you think she's into you? is that why she always
has her hands in your back pockets? gripping bills
and credit. as if you don't know. she's a gold digger
and you've been sold.

the wolf has found a way to lead this foolish flock of
sheep astray and the clouds make fearful noises and
slowly turn back and shake. the darkness comes
around you. the dark has come to take and it will
cut the life right from you and leave you standing
in the rain with nowhere left to run to and no one
left to love you but the pain.

i left you last week and you told me, "go on and follow your
dreams," i've been thinking about that lately, still i don't know
what it means because you're what i dream of when i wake
alone, as i drift away as we talk on the phone, you're what
i want and that's all i know and i still just can't wait to get
home.

a few summers ago, we spent weeks in
her room just having sex and listening to
jazz and that was the life.

no one ever lost any sleep for
being too kind or forgiving.
- One Tree Hill

"the bad news is time flies. the
good news is that you're the pilot."

bad things happen to good and bad
people, it's just that nobody cares
when bad things happen to bad people.

never try to forget something, no matter how much you want
to. there's a reason why your mind won't let it go, even if your
heart has. your memories always serve a purpose, whether
you know it or not, and you can't fight that.

you never fall in love the same way twice.

"our love could change the orbit of the earth. so if a
meteor ever comes hurling towards the earth with a
guarantee of destruction, top scientists may call on
us to, you know, do it like crazy for the sake of
humankind."

last thing i remember, i was running for the door. i had
to find the passage back to the place i was before. "relax,"
said the night man. "we are programmed to receive. you
can checkout anytime you like, but you can never leave."
 
they say you need to pray if you want to go
to heaven but they don't tell you what to say
when your whole life has gone to hell.

“some may never live,
but the crazy never die.”
   
we were born to mothers who smoked and drank,
our cribs were covered in lead based paint. no child
proof lids, no seat belts in cars. rode bikes with no
helmets and still here we are, still here we are.

we got lucky baby, we've been blessed. couldn't ask
for more, wouldn't settle for less. its good to be us.
yeah, its good to be us.

mama taught the Bible,
daddy wore the belt.

looking back all i can say about all the things
he did for me is i hope i'm at least half the
dad that he didn't have to be.

where there's gold, there's a gold digger.

why do you speak with an accent now? everyone
knows you're not from the streets. you went to prep
school in cambridge, with daughters and sons of the
privileged elite. so why do you speak with an accent
now? everyone knows you're moonlighting here.

advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs
we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. we're the middle
children of history, man. no purpose or place. we have no
great war, no great depression. our great war is spiritual,
our great depression is our lives. we've all been raised on
television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires,
and movie gods and rockstars and we are slowly learning
that fact and we're very, very pissed off.

so if you're gonna leave then you'd better get going cause
i'm not wasting no more time on what you did and what you
didn't. so if you're gonna leave then you'd better start running
cause i'm not wasting no more time on what might have been.

someone else's boy, i have hope for you, that you will
keep your love for the world, even though it beats you
down, everyday, for the rest of your stay.

and it's funny how you can forget there's a world
outside yourself where the one who loves you
keeps on living without you there.

reality is not so much something against
which memories can be checked as something
established by those memories themselves.

i believed she would see that i was sorry by
my actions, if not my words. i was waiting for
the right time to speak. when i felt we could
talk openly without hurting each other.

i was surprised by the thought that feeling
alive had nothing to do with happiness.

"let's say for instance, that you have the same dream
over and over, only each time you're not sure whether
you actually had the same dream before or you just
dreamt that you did. it could relate to the thinning
boundaries between reality and thought. the existence,
of the act, or in this case, the dream, is not in doubt.
the question you have to ask is how it exists and how
do you define the energy of thought versus the energy
of action."

i know that you're young and he seems like
the one but i think you're just hurting yourself.

it's the most breathtaking ironic thing about living.
the fact that we are all identical twins included alone,
singular and yet what we seek, what saves us, is
our connection to others.

let me tell you a few things about regret. there is no end
to it. you cannot find the beginning of the chain that brought
us from there to here. do you regret the beginning which
ended so badly or just the ending itself? i've given more
thought to this question than you can imagine.

you want everything to stay the same, until you're ready
for it to change but you can't do that. you can't expect the
whole world to stand still until you're ready.

it's not like i'm not trying beause i'll give anyone a
shot once and i , i close my eyes and i kiss that
frog. each time finding the more boys i meet the
more i love my dog.

baby why'd you leave me, why'd you have to go? i was
counting on forever, now i'll never know. i can't even
breathe. it's like i'm looking from a distance. standing
in the background. everybody's saying, he's not coming
home now this can't be happening to me this is just a
dream.